In Admiration
by emication
Summary: What if Jack and Boone had developed a relationship during season one? What would things be like if Boone never died?
1. Lost

Title: In Admiration - Part 1

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #88 Lost

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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Boone should have just ignored Shannon. He had decided to help sort through the luggage and thought it would be a good idea for Shannon to help as well. Only when he approached their claimed spot amongst the wreckage did he see that she was lying on her stomach in a bikini, bags scattered around her. Then somehow he ended up getting dragged along on this hike that involved getting attack by a polar bear and finding a signal from a French woman that had been playing for sixteen years. Not to mention that something killed them all, whoever "them" was.

Everyone else was sleeping now, but Boone wasn't feeling up to it. Kate had the gun now, but he wasn't so sure if he trusted any one of them more than the other. While he was extremely grateful that Sawyer, the good-looking Southerner with an attitude, had a gun on him, it also made Boone nervous. Not as nervous as Charlie's telling of the monster that ate the pilot and was roaming the jungle, but it was hard to trust a man that stole a gun off a body. Boone didn't typically think about death; he was certain though that he never imagined his own to be getting ripped to shreds by a monster on an island after surviving a plane crash. Boone didn't like the idea that the monster-thing could eat him and he'd have no control over the situation.

Although since the plane crash, Boone has found himself out of control. He looked like an idiot trying to give that woman CPR right after the crash. It wasn't like hadn't done CPR before. It's that he was a lifeguard in college to make some extra cash. Sitting next to a pool all day with a book was a pretty decent job. His mother had thought paying for his own school would be good for him, which turned out to be useless when she gave him a job that more than paid off his student loans. Point being he was used to performing CPR on a pool deck, a level surface, not a beach where he needed to know what angle the neck needed to be tilted at.

Now the doctor, Jack, the majority's appointed leader, thought Boone was useless. Or at least that's the way Boone saw it. He couldn't stand watching Jack perform CPR, feeling like a failure, so he made up some excuse to find pens, which Jack said was a good idea. Boone could tell the doctor was trying to get rid of him just as badly as Boone was trying to find something else to do.

He wasn't quite sure why he brought Jack the pens, though. They weren't needed, at least not for the woman who Boone had seen sitting aside from the chaos and looking out to sea. Maybe he wanted to show Jack that he was capable of something. Boone may not have been a doctor, but he did want to help. He wanted Jack to know this so he wouldn't be left out of whatever plans were going on; he wanted to be in the know and not just sit around waiting. Definitely didn't want to be useless like Shannon. Although so far Shannon's knowledge of French made her more helpful since the crash than Boone, and Shannon didn't even want to be helpful.

They were lost here on this island with no idea how long it would be before anyone came by and saw their signal fire. For some reason, despite all the risks they were facing, this didn't worry Boone as much as he would have thought. Maybe he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or going through some stage of shock. Hell, Boone wouldn't have been at all surprised if this turned out to be a dream. Well, a nightmare, more accurately. At that moment Boone would love nothing more than to wake up in his bed in Los Angeles to find out everything since Shannon's frantic phone call had been nothing but his imagination.

Boone glanced around the campsite. Shannon was next to him, sleeping curled up on the ground. Was he in love with her? He hadn't quite worked that one out yet. Things between them only seemed worse since that night in Sydney. The sex didn't resolve anything. It was mechanical, feeling forced. But why couldn't Boone just ignore Shannon? Normally Boone wouldn't go for someone as needy as Shannon, forget the fact that they were brother and sister in every way except blood. Boone was more typically attracted to someone strong and independent...someone like Jack...

Where that thought came from Boone wasn't quite sure, but he shook it away before he could entertain the notion. They had just survived a disaster and to the rest of the world were as good as dead. They had more pressing concerns than a sex life. Boone jumped a little at the sound of the trees rustling, but then a strong breeze blew across the clearing they were camped out in. Boone kept an eye on the tree line just to be safe, moving his gaze to watching the sparks jump from the fire when he was satisfied that the monster wasn't following the wind.

Yeah...definitely had more pressing concerns than a sex life...went over to join them.


	2. Hours

Title: In Admiration - Part 2

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #6 Hours

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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It had been a couple hours now since Jack removed the shrapnel from the marshal's abdomen. The marshal who managed to stay conscious for long enough to tell Jack that his name was Edward. If anything, Jack thought, knowing the marshal's name made things worse for Jack. It forced Jack to realize that the marshal was a man instead of just another plane crash survivor or fatality. He was unconscious again at the moment, which was for the best. If the marshal was going to fight this, he needed to conserve his energy and hopefully his immune system would do its job.

Jack became vaguely aware of someone yelling "dude" and looked up to see Hurley rushing towards the medical tent. "Hey, dude, they're back."

He must have been talking about the group that went on the hike to try and get a signal on the transceiver. Jack got up and walked over with Hurley to where the survivors assembled in a semi-circle, listening to Sayid. Jack envied their hope; all traces of his vanished when the pilot had said they were off course. The pilot who then got ripped to shreds by some...thing in the jungle. Jack refused to call it a monster. Monsters didn't exist.

The doctor's gaze scanned the others, pausing when he saw Boone. Jack felt bad for the young man. He had obviously grown up in the city and never had the need for outdoor survival skills. Not that Jack had gone camping or anything as a kid. The fact that he had a medical license was his only useful skill he could contribute to their survival. Fortunately it was a very big skill, but unfortunately because he was a surgeon, Jack was used to making quick decisions in situations where a second's hesitation made the difference between life and death. This meant they all saw him as the leader.

Boone's piercing gaze met his, and Jack looked away quickly, trying not to look embarrassed and like he had been caught staring. That's not to say, though, that he wasn't staring. They may have been in a plane crash with no probable hope of rescue, but Jack wasn't dead. Well...not technically. All their families most likely thought they were dead, but Jack seemed fairly certain he wasn't. Although on this island, who really knew?

Now it was Jack getting watched when he caught Kate looking in his direction. Kate... Another island mystery he didn't know what to do with and everyone expected him to figure out. Everyone in this case just meaning Hurley, but it was more pressure nonetheless. Kate came over to where he was standing. She wanted to tell him something. Jack wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear from her...some sort of confession about what she did that had her in the marshal's custody. He sure wasn't expecting to hear about a transmission being broadcasted from the island by a French woman that had been on a loop for sixteen years.

Kate didn't feel like saying anything else, and Jack wasn't going to push her. If she really was as dangerous as the marshal said, he'd just have to keep an eye on her.

Jack looked back over towards the fuselage. The other survivors, having heard what Sayid had to say, went back to sorting through luggage to find out what no one was claiming, what was their own, and what could be useful. The only ones he recognized that were on his side of the fuselage were Sawyer, who was sitting on the piece of wing that fell off, smoking a cigarette, and the blonde girl that knew Boone. Sharon?

Oh, no, it's Shannon, Jack mentally corrected himself. If he was supposed to be their leader, he would need to start getting everyone's name straight.

Shannon had spread a towel down on the sand and looked like she was trying to take a nap. She didn't seem to keen on helping, which made Jack think that she was either a spoiled brat or in denial that help wasn't coming. He had been surprised to see that she went on the hike to try for the signal on the transceiver, but Boone had also gone, which made Jack wonder what exactly their relationship was. Boone seemed protective of Shannon, which could mean they were dating, but since the young man was trying to be helpful while Shannon just sat around watching made it seem to Jack like Boone and Shannon had more of a sibling relationship. Jack didn't have any brothers or sisters himself, but what he saw from his friends and cousins growing up, siblings had the tendency to try and be polar opposites of each other.

Jack was having a hard time convincing himself that it wasn't wishful thinking that Boone and Shannon were just related. First off, he didn't even know Boone. Second, there was a very good chance he wouldn't be interested. Third, Jack had to be at least ten years older than Boone and he didn't need to come across as a lecher. And fourth, they were all trapped together, so it wouldn't be worth trying anything that could make the situation even more uncomfortable than it already was. Still, Jack thought, that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to entertain his own private thoughts.

He moved his gaze to see Hurley trying to drag a row of seats through the sand and went over to help.


	3. Strangers

Title: In Admiration - Part 3

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #14 Strangers

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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It was dark, and Jack was sitting on the beach looking out at the ocean. He hadn't wanted to be part of the memorial service for the people who died in the crash. Something about it didn't sit well with Jack. He did feel that they had a right to be remembered, but Jack didn't think it was fair to them to have a service held by people reading off their passport or driver's license. It unsettled Jack to think that if he had died in the crash, they would have read his name and remembered him as an organ donor.

He heard the sound of someone approaching him, footsteps muffled as they displaced the sand. Jack hoped it wasn't Kate; he wasn't feeling up to entertaining her. It wasn't that Jack didn't mind her company. He just didn't have the energy to put up with her flirting. The other sat down in the sand beside him, outstretching an arm holding a bottle of water. It was Boone. "I thought you might want something to drink."

Jack took it gratefully, realizing that he had brought Rose water earlier but had neglected to keep himself hydrated. "I think this is the first funeral I've been to that didn't serve alcohol," Jack sighed as he took a sip of water. He saw Boone smirk out of the corner of his eye.

"Well if we ever get off this island, I'll make sure to write Oceanic a letter about how they need to keep the alcohol in a way for it to survive a crash." This made Jack chuckle. He and Boone were practically strangers, but something about his tone made it seem like that while the young man was making a joke, he was also slightly serious. "That woman," Boone continued, "Rose? She approached me and told me that there might have been a reason why I didn't succeed. Did you...?"

"Yeah, I did," Jack cut Boone off before he could finish his question. "She asked me why I was talking to her, said she figured I had bigger problems to deal with than making sure everyone ate and got enough water, so I told her you asked me to. Told her how you were trying to help her, but something was off, so I took over."

Boone leveled his gaze at Jack, and even in the almost total darkness, the doctor could tell just what a piercing blue the young man's eyes were. "Well, thanks for not making me sound like I totally suck."

"You don't suck. Some people just don't have experience dealing with high anxiety."

"I grew up with Shannon. I should be the expert on dealing with high anxiety," Boone scoffed, then took a sip of his own water that Jack hadn't noticed until now. Jack watched Boone glance over at where Shannon was sitting on the beach, talking to Claire. "I'm actually embarrassed that the first day here she gave herself a pedicure."

Jack shrugged. "People deal in different ways."

Boone snorted. "Shannon deals by not dealing. She helps by staying out of the way."

"And what about you?"

"I'm still looking for some way to contribute."

"You pay attention to people." Jack made a vague motion with his hand towards the other survivors. "I didn't realize Rose hadn't been eating or drinking until you said anything. You're trying, which is more than can be said about some people."

"Yeah, like my sister."

Jack mentally congratulated himself on correctly guessing the nature of Boone and Shannon's relationship. "I was thinking more along the lines of Sawyer."

"I think even Sawyer's helped more than Shannon. The guy may be a prick, but if he hadn't come on the hike and taken a gun off the marshal, we all would have ended up as polar bear food."

"Well, then, I guess even Sawyer is good for something," Jack looked over at Boone and smiled and was glad to see the other man grin back. Over Boone's shoulder he saw Rose waving in their direction; Jack nodded in acknowledgment. The boar Locke brought back must be done. "She thinks her husband is still alive."

"Rose does?" Boone asked. Jack nodded. "Well, maybe he is. No one knows anything definite one way or the other." A wide grin spread across the young man's face. "Or maybe she can feel his presence with the Force or something." Boone's expression took on one of disbelief when Jack quirked an eyebrow at him. "You don't know Star Wars?"

"I know Star Wars; I just can't believe you said that."

"It was a joke, Jack," Boone said, punching him lightly on the shoulder as he moved to stand up, "You're supposed to laugh at it, not admonish me."

"Sorry." Jack stood, redundantly trying to brush the sand out of the clothing creases even though he was just going to sit back down in it when he got to the campsite.

"Yeah, well, now you know for next time that when someone makes a joke, you're supposed to laugh. Maybe we should go see what fine, island dining has been prepared for us tonight. Although I don't know how much of an appetite I'm going to have for a barbequed boar after smelling those bodies in the fuselage burn."

"I think your bigger concern should be to hope it's really a boar Locke's feeding us and not one of the bodies."

Boone stopped in his tracks. "Are you serious?"

Jack turned to look back at him, a devious glint in his eye. "You're supposed to laugh at a joke, Boone."

"Oh...haha."


	4. Him

Title: In Admiration - Part 4

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #19 Him

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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Furious didn't even begin to describe the way Boone was feeling. It wasn't just because Jack had saved him when he didn't need saving and a woman had died because of it. Well, yeah, okay, that was half of it. But what got on Boone's nerves even more was that when he confronted Jack about it, he tried to shove him aside and then ran off, leaving Boone to stare at the spot in the tree line Jack had gone through, expecting him to come back at any minute.

"What are you doing?"

Boone narrowed his eyes, turning towards Shannon. She was standing a couple feet away, arms crossed across her stomach, and Boone could have sworn she was wearing a different outfit than this morning.

"I was trying to talk to Jack. Then he just...took off."

"Maybe he didn't like the way you smelled."

Boone didn't have the patience for this. And there was no way he could have smelled...he had just been in the ocean! "Shouldn't you be using someone for a new shade of nail polish?" Shannon scowled at his quip. It had made Boone feel a little better knowing that it wasn't just him Shannon made a habit of using. She didn't have a retort of her own, which was unusual for Shannon. "Did you need something, Princess?"

Shannon started examining her nails like they were the most important thing in the world, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "I was bored."

"So you needed to come bother me?"

"Because standing here lusting after Jack is so important?"

"I'm not...lusting."

"Longing, then? Or maybe yearning..." At the glare from Boone, she ended her train of thought. "I just wanted to go for a walk."

"So you're doing the nice thing and seeing if I want to come too?"

"No," Shannon replied, with a little smirk that Boone knew to mean she was going to say something nasty but didn't actually mean it. "I was seeing if you wanted to come too because if the island monster shows up I'll just have to worry about running faster than you." They started down the shoreline, comfortably silent until rounding some trees that stuck farther out onto the beach, blocking the camp from view. "You don't need to be pissed that he saved your sorry ass."

Boone quirked an eyebrow at Shannon, confused. "Who?"

"Him," she replied, angling her head back towards camp. "Jack."

"I could have made it back." Boone mumbled, kicking at the sand as he took a step. "I was talking to him last night, after the memorial service. He made me feel better about how I couldn't help Rose after the crash." He frowned, not sure why he was telling this to Shannon. He wanted to tell Jack, but she was there and he wasn't. "And then this morning it was like he didn't believe me."

"Believe you or believe in you?"

Boone had to do a double-take. "You're actually listening to me?"

"I told you I was bored," Shannon scoffed. "There's no television on this island, so your problems are as good as I'm going to get."

"Glad I can entertain you," Boone said dryly.

"Maybe you should just stop thinking about it. And stop trying to save people since you're obviously not good at it."

"Then we can sit on the beach being useless together."

"I could give you a pedicure," Shannon offered, smirking.

"I think I'm good."

They kept going for a few more yards until Boone realized they'd probably been walking for a while and were getting kind of far from camp. "We should probably go back." Shannon nodded in agreement, and they walked back in silence.

About halfway back when Charlie came up to them. "Have you guys seen Jack?"

"He ran off into the jungle maybe an hour ago," Boone replied, "I haven't seen him since."

"He's an adult; I'm sure he can take care of himself." That was Shannon's version of being comforting. On a normal island there wouldn't have been a need for concern, but this was an island with monsters that ripped people to shreds and could knock over trees.

"The guy with all the knives..." Charlie continued, falling into pace beside them. "Locke? He went out to find him but hasn't come back yet."

Boone looked over at the tent that had become Jack's base of operations, in a sense. He didn't feel comfortable calling it a medical tent with the complete lack of medicine they had on the island. But they did keep the water in there, and if Jack was gone, who was going to keep track of it? It was just sitting out waiting for someone to take. Boone wouldn't put it passed Sawyer to take their entire water supply to put himself in a higher position of power, make people feel like they needed him around. The man was a parasite, and Boone had a hard time lately dealing with people who always took what they didn't deserve without giving back.

He looked over at Shannon. Boone hadn't quite figured out how to explain her behavior. He didn't appreciate getting used for his money, but he also understood that his mother had dealt Shannon a shitty hand by not giving Shannon the money after her father died. But maybe he didn't see her as a parasite the way he saw Sawyer as one because he loved her. Was that even true, though? Boone never remembered consciously being in love with Shannon, but it made sense as to why he would follow her across the globe to get her out of relationships. He stood over the water, trying to figure out what to do.


	5. Drink

Title: In Admiration - Part 5

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #40 Drink

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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Jack looked over from where he sat besides Kate at a campfire. He hadn't thought his running off into the jungle would cause chaos among the survivors, but he seemed to get back in time. He looked over to where Boone was sitting on a rock, looking out across the ocean. Sawyer was telling him something, and Jack was certain that whatever the other man was saying wasn't comforting.

"It's a good thing you're always around to get him out of trouble, huh?" Kate commented. She must have noticed Jack looking in Boone's direction. "That's twice today."

Jack sighed. "I should go talk to him. The others overreacted and didn't see that he was trying to help." Jack put the cup he was using down in the sand, stretching as he stood. He should have put someone in charge before he took off. Then none of this would have happened. Of course, if he had gotten the sleep he needed, it wouldn't have happened either, but he did find the caves, so the day wasn't a total loss. He could have done without losing his mind and chasing his dead father around the jungle, though.

He stopped a couple meters from Boone, suddenly unsure if he should talk to him or just leave the younger man alone. Jack also understood, though, that talking to Boone might not only make Boone feel better about taking the water, but it would make the others feel better about Boone, and Jack feel better about leaving them all. Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets, making the last few strides between them. "Hey," he said simply.

Boone looked up at Jack, expression blank. "Hey," he mirrored, but his tone of voice matched his expression.

"Mind if I sit down?" When he didn't get a response, Jack just lowered himself into the sand so he could face Boone. "I wasn't running away from you before. I..." Jack swallowed hard, realizing he should tell the truth in the situation because any lie he crafted might not have been good enough. "I thought I saw my father."

It was quiet for a moment, and all Jack could hear was the crackling of the various campfires around them and the light conversation of the other survivors. "Was he on the plane?" Boone asked, gaze still away from Jack, but his voice was softer.

"I thought he was; now I'm not so sure." At the confused look he got from Boone, Jack decided he should explain. "My father took off to Sydney, and my mother... She told me go after him. Bring him back. When I got there I found out he was dead, and I was bringing him home for the funeral. Oceanic gave me a hard time about checking the coffin."

"So you spent the whole day chasing your dead father around the island?"

Jack nodded slowly, realizing how insane he must have sounded. Hell, he still couldn't believe it himself. "Pretty much."

The slightest of a grin crossed Boone's expression. "So you had a psychotic episode and I'm the one everyone hates right now."

"Seems to sum up the day."

"He called me a pretty boy," Boone said, scowling.

"Who did?"

"Charlie."

"Well..." Jack wasn't sure what to say. Boone's features did make him pretty, but the younger man was obviously not taking it as a compliment. Jack found himself unable to look away as Boone bit his bottom lip. "He was probably just upset because of what happened to Claire, but there was really no harm done. And there are always worse things to be called."

"It just shows that no one takes me seriously around here," Boone's voice was louder, bolder, and he sounded exasperated. "You left and no one was watching the water. What else was I supposed to do? It was either I took the water or waited for someone else to. I couldn't bear the thought of people having to go to Sawyer whenever they wanted a drink."

Jack winced. He hadn't even thought that things could have played out that way instead. Even if it had worked out like that, though, he still found the caves with an endless supply of fresh water, so Sawyer's monopoly wouldn't have lasted very long. Boone sighed heavily, resting his head on his hands as he leaned his elbows against his knees. Jack was suddenly made aware of how close they were to each other, but Boone's gaze was fixed on the sand at his feet. Jack found himself beginning to wonder if leaning forward to close the gap between them would help make Boone feel better, let him see that someone believed in him.

"Maybe Shannon was right when she said I should stop trying to save people."

Jack shrugged. "You could do that. Or you could find a different way to be helpful. There's different ways to contribute. Charlie may have criticized you for taking the water, but he told me about the woman in the water this morning. He said he didn't even know how to swim. He's still helping, though. He watches out for Claire, which helps me because I can't keep track of how she's doing everyday."

Boone looked up, making eye contact with Jack for the first time since Jack sat down in front of him. His gaze was so fierce that Jack had to suppress the shiver that ran down his spine. "So what can I do for you?" Jack had to fight to keep himself from groaning out loud. He doubted the intentions of Boone's words were what some part of his brain wanted them to be.

"Some people are moving with me to the caves tomorrow. I'm going to need all the help I can get moving gear over there."

"I think I can manage that without you needing to save me."

Jack just nodded. He found himself kind of wishing, though, that Boone would need his help. He wanted to get to know the younger man better. That way, even if Boone was completely uninterested, Jack could sleep a little better at night knowing he was attracted to Boone on more than a physical level.


	6. Accident

Title: In Admiration - Part 6

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #25 Accident

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

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"Hey! We need help!"

Boone turned to see Charlie running full speed across the beach, stopping in front of Michael. Boone was still feeling a little sour with Charlie over attacking him about the water, but Charlie looked like he was panicking - like something really bad had happened. Michael said something to Charlie that Boone couldn't quite hear, but he heard "Jack" in Charlie's response very distinctly.

Boone felt a surge of panic himself. Had something happened to Jack? He ran over to find out what was going on. "What?"

Charlie was panting as he explained. "A cave collapsed. We don't even know if he's alive. Come on, we got to go!"

Michael tried to recruit some more help, and Boone was about to follow after Charlie back to the caves when he remembered something. "Shannon," he began, "you have to be ready to do something really important, okay? At five o'clock sharp, you need to be ready to turn that antenna on over there. There's a switch at the base."

Shannon lifted his sunglasses off her eyes, crinkling her nose slightly. "Why?"

Boone sighed. Shannon was deciding to be impossible today. He explained how Kate and Sayid were trying to locate the source of the distress call they'd picked up on the transceiver. He told her that they didn't have a lot of power left, so they couldn't leave the antennae on for too long. She needed to fire the bottle rocket after she saw the other two and then turn on the antenna.

Shannon blinked at him. "Switch is where now?"

Yup. Definitely being impossible today. Must have gotten sand up her skirt or something. "Did you hear a word I said? Can you or can't you do it?" She told him he could, so Boone hurried off Charlie, Michael, and the others that were going to help, hoping Jack would be okay.

When they got to the cave-in, Michael inspected to see what rocks would be safer to remove so the whole cave didn't collapse. Assuming it hadn't in the first place, Boone thought morbidly. Slowly they began clearing the rocks, Michael pointing out which ones they should start with, and they got a line going, passing the rocks down from one person to the next. Boone was surprised to see that even Jin was helping. The Koreans seemed to stick to themselves, but even they must have realized, language barrier or not, that Jack medical training made him one of, if not the most, important person on the island.

Boone was very aware of the irony of the situation. That was three times since they crashed that Jack had saved Boone, and now it was Boone's turn to save Jack. Yeah, okay, Boone wasn't the only one helping here, but Boone also seemed to be the only one here for a more personal reason than to help one of their own. Boone sort of felt like he owed something to Jack, and this was as good a chance as any to show that Boone was just as capable of saving people as Jack was.

The rocks were sharp with edges that cut into his fingers, but Boone didn't care. Pretty soon they had a tunnel cleared to where the cave was opened up - hopefully where Jack was. The tunnel looked barely large enough for Boone or Charlie to get through. Hurley was shouting into the tunnel, and they waited for a response from Jack with baited breath. Boone tried not to worry about the lack of response...he could have been knocked unconscious or maybe they got to an opening that Jack wasn't in.

Suddenly Hurley was yelling, "I hear him!" Boone felt something flutter in his chest. Jack was alive! "Jack, bro, you okay?" Hurley called.

"I'm...I'm pinned," came the muffled response from Jack. "I can't move." Jack groaned, his voice sounding full of pain. "I can't move!"

They all looked at Michael since he seemed to be the only one who knew what to do in this sort of situation. "What do we do?" Hurley asked. "How do we get him out?"

Michael crouched in front of the tunnel, seeming to be mentally working things out. Boone heard Jack's voice but he couldn't quite make out the words. "He's okay. He made it out," was Hurley's response. Boone wasn't quite sure who "he" was, until he remembered it was Charlie that had come running to the beach for help; Charlie who seemed to be covered in a layer of dust, like he had been near the cave-in. Was this whole mess Charlie's fault? Boone barely registered Michael reassuring Jack. He was trying to figure out where the twitchy, has-been rock star took off to.

"Okay, we can't safely make that tunnel any bigger, but since Jack can't get out, one of us is gonna have to go in and unpin him." Michael looked around at the group of them; Boone wasn't sure if he was trying to figure out who was best to go or waiting for a volunteer.

"What?" Hurley asked, "Crawl through that?"

"I think he means someone smaller," Boone said, instantly regretting it. He was getting anxious knowing Jack was still trapped in the cave. He also realized that outburst might have been the result of spending too much time with Shannon.

Jin started to say something, but no one had any idea what was being said. Hurley made a comment about not understanding Chinese, at which point Michael said they were Korean.

"I'll do it," came a new voice, and Boone looked to see that it was Charlie.

"No, man," Michael was trying to reason with Charlie why he shouldn't do it. Boone wasn't sure if he trusted Jack's life with Charlie, either. Especially if it was Charlie that got him stuck in there to begin with. "Look, you're still too shook up. I might be able to squeeze..."

"Wait," Charlie called. "Who's gonna take care of your son if something happens?" He motions to Sun then Boone. "She's got a husband. He's got a sister." Boone winced at the term, forcing away memories from Sydney and his torturous debate as to whether he was in love with her or not. "I'm alone here. No one on the island." Charlie gave Michael a determined stare, "Let me do this."

Boone just hoped Charlie could get through to Jack without causing any more damage. Suddenly Boone was glad he hadn't volunteered. Sure, he wanted to repay Jack for saving him so much already, but Boone also didn't think he could shoulder the responsibility of killing the only doctor on the island.


	7. Mask

Title: In Admiration - Part 7

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #35 Mask

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Jack's first conscious thought when he woke was that he always figured death would feel less physically limiting. All that talk about floating out of your body and the spirit going to somewhere better just didn't seem to apply. He tried to prop himself up on his shoulder, only to cry out in pain as his body kept moving down against his arm, shoulder making a scraping sound. Okay, then, Jack thought, I can't be dead if my shoulder is dislocated. He then became aware of a sensation that felt like someone was sitting on his chest. Great... Dislocated shoulder and I'm stuck under a rock.

The preceding incidents that led to his being stuck under a rock in a dark cave suddenly returned to Jack. "Charlie," he tried to wheeze out, coughing, and glad to hear that nothing sounded juicy in his lungs. Meant the rock he was pinned under hadn't broken a rib to get blood into his lungs. His voice didn't sound too good, though. How long have I been in here?

"Charlie!" he tried again, but there was no response, and Jack couldn't even begin to try and look for him in the absolute darkness. He hoped Charlie had managed to stay outside of the cave-in; the other possible options filled Jack with a sense of dread. Then he began to wonder if people were trying to find a way to get him out of the cave. Jack new all too well what happened to the human body when it was deprived of water for too long. The others had to be trying to help, though, he reasoned with himself. Sun and Jin and Hurley had all been nearby when it happened. And Charlie was out there, too, hopefully.

Jack tried to move his good shoulder to push the rock off his chest, but he couldn't get the right leverage off the ground. He couldn't help but chuckle. Kate hadn't liked the caves because she thought they weren't safe and reduced their chances of being rescued. Jack could easily imagine the I-told-you-so look she'd have on her face if (when, Jack told himself) he got out of this mess. The thought of Kate at all made him sigh, which was rather painful given the rock he was half stuck under.

Jack's trouble with Kate lay in the fact that all the harmless flirting was just that: harmless. Flirting was fun whether it was innocent or yearned for something more. The trouble with flirting with Kate, though, was that to Jack it was all innocent, but Kate seemed to think otherwise. The trouble with Kate was that she was completely and totally not Jack's type. It had taken Jack a failed marriage to Sarah to figure this out.

So who was his type? Well, on this island anyway, he most definitely would have gone for Sawyer if the man hadn't been such an impossible bastard. Although Sawyer was attractive, his abrasive personality turned off Jack and seemingly every survivor that had met the Southerner. The fellow survivor that had Jack completely captivated was Boone.

He couldn't say it was an attraction-at-first-sight scenario. His first encounter with Boone had Jack in his completely professional doctor-mode, trying to get things squared away in those first rushed hours after the crash. Jack had actually tried to get rid of Boone since the young man seemed to do more harm than good, but even Jack realized he had been hard on Boone and talked to him about it.

Jack hadn't even realized he might have been gay until he was married to Sarah and felt incomplete. The first time he had fooled around with a guy was in high school. Jack had been up in his room, passing back and forth with a friend from the football team a bottle of expensive vodka he had stolen from his father, and they'd ended up making out, giggly and drunk. Jack never found out how his father had known, but after school the next day he got cornered by his father, getting a lecture as to how if Jack expected to have a future, he couldn't do anything to risk it because no medical school was going to accept a faggot student. It wasn't respectable. His father then proceeded to tell Jack how teenage hormones made wrong things seem like a good idea. That he hadn't raised a queer for a son.

He had been set up on a date with the daughter of a friend of his father's, and while Jack didn't think she had much of a brain, she had a nice body and the more he thought about it, when had he ever seen men together? What had happened was an accident since drunk and horny was never a good combination.

While married to Sarah, though, he still felt like pieces were missing. He would go out at night to bars, attracted to the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and musk. He'd go back to strange apartments and hotel rooms with men he didn't even know, returning to his home with Sarah in the morning, her thinking he had been working all night. He'd think back to that time in high school, wondering what this all meant, and after a while he realized he was being unfair to everyone - Sarah, his family, himself.

Sarah had surprisingly understood; they ended on good terms. Jack thought his father was more upset by the divorce than anyone else. After everything had been finalized, Jack let Sarah keep the house, and while she was working one day Jack and his dad moved out the stuff that was his. The whole time Jack saw a familiar look in his father's eyes, the one that seemed to call him a failure.

"Jack!" came a voice, and he lifted his head slightly, trying to find the source of the sound. It was hard to find a direction with the voice echoing off the cave walls. He hoped he wasn't hallucinating. "Jack, can you hear me? Jack?" It was Hurley. A wave of relief swept over him. He wasn't going to die alone in here.


	8. Dinner

Title: In Admiration - Part 8

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #38 Dinner

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"It looks like you forgot how to put on a T-shirt," Boone smirked at Jack, taking over the seat Kate had recently vacated. He had waited until Kate left to approach Jack. Whenever she was around, Boone had the distinct impression he was intruding. "How's your shoulder?"

"It'll be bruised, but things could have been a lot worse," Boone nodded in agreement, fully knowing that worst case scenario would have left them without a doctor. "So have you decided to stay at the caves after all?"

Boone shook his head, mentally forcing himself to stop analyzing the hopeful look in Jack's gaze. "I wasn't up to walking back to the beach alone and in the dark. Think there's been enough excitement today without me getting eaten on the way back."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that," Jack replied, and Boone quickly looked into the fire, hoping the jumping flames would hide the blush he could feel appearing across his face. He needed to get a hold of himself. Boone felt like he was acting like a school girl with a crush. "You hear anything from Locke about dinner?"

"I heard Hurley talking about digging through suitcases for barbeque sauce, but I haven't heard anything about the boar being done. I saw Charlie over there; he might know."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Who, Charlie?"

"Locke."

"He doesn't really stick around long enough to talk to. From what I heard, though, he's either going to be key to our survival or kill everyone in their sleep."

Boone smiled at the laugh that got out of Jack. "Who's been saying that?"

He shrugged in response. "I just heard from Shannon. Even stuck on an island she manages to be the gossip queen."

"Is she going to be upset that you're staying here for the night?"

"She can get over it." Boone nodded in the direction of the cave that collapsed. "She'll probably be more upset that I didn't get myself trapped."

"You two don't seem to get along very well."

"Do you have a sister?" Boone looked over at Jack to see him shaking his head. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to tell Jack. Boone wasn't even sure if it was worth bringing up that he and Shannon technically weren't brother and sister. Definitely didn't want to mention what had happened in Sydney. "It's...complicated."

Boone was grateful that Jack didn't push the subject. He was admittedly quite attracted to Jack, and Boone was certain nothing would ruin any shot he might have quicker than telling Jack how he and Shannon ended up sleeping together the night before the flight. Boone didn't like to think of himself as bisexual, not finding the term accurate enough for his situation. What Boone would label himself, even he wasn't sure, but he knew he liked girls, and if he happened to be attracted to a guy, well, he could work with that too.

The problem of all problems, though, the bigger problem than whatever was going on between Boone and Shannon, was the fact that Jack was completely, totally straight. Boone previously had been able to, in a sense, convert straight guys, most notably in college, but that was without interference. On the island, there was Kate, and as long as she kept flirting with Jack, she would always be between him and Boone.

Boone looked over and across the fire he was sitting at with Jack to look at the rest of the caves. His gaze eventually fell upon Kate, who was sitting besides Charlie. Boone couldn't see Charlie's face since he had his hood drawn up, but from the way Charlie's body was curled protectively around his guitar, it looked to Boone as if Charlie just wanted to get left alone.

Boone decided to act on a whim. If Jack wasn't actually interested in Kate, he still might have a chance. "When she showed up at the caves, she started digging like a maniac to get you out."

"Kate was?" Jack had an amused glint in his eyes, and Boone wasn't sure how to interpret that, so he chose not to. "She seems to like leaving an impression on people."

"I think when you say 'people' it's mostly you. It's like you guys got an alliance or something."

Jack quirked an eyebrow, which Boone found incredibly sexy. "This isn't Survivor."

"In a stricter sense it is," Boone grinned a little at the irony. "Only I'll be really pissed off if we got into that plane crash to win a million dollars and a Jeep."

Boone watched entranced as Jack's mouth curved into a smile when he laughed. Boone found himself trying to figure out how Jack would react if he just leaned over and kissed him. Worst case scenario was he'd be completely disgusted and beat Boone up for it, but Boone doubted he would do that in front of everyone at the caves. Not to mention it would be difficult with his arm in the sling. Being in public also meant, unfortunately, a lot of potential embarrassment whether the advance was welcome or not.

"Hey, dudes, Locke said the boar's done if you guys are hungry."

"Thanks, Hurley," Jack replied, and the other man nodded briefly before heading over to where Kate and Charlie sat to give them the same news. "Ready for more pork chops and ribs?"

Boone sighed. "It breaks up the monotony of salad and seafood."

Jack stood slowly, probably being mindful not to move his arm too much for balance. "Hey, Boone? Thanks."

Boone gave the other man a questioning stare. "For what?"

Jack shrugged, or at least did as close to a shrug as he could manage without jostling his sore shoulder. "Helping dig me out back there. The company. You're the only one around here that doesn't expect me to be the leader or have the answers all the time. It's appreciated." Boone just nodded, allowing his gaze to linger on Jack as he walked over towards where Locke was starting to dole out pieces of cooked meat.


	9. Middles

Title: In Admiration - Part 9

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #2 Middles

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone had to admit that Shannon sounded a lot better because of the eucalyptus, and now her voice wasn't as hoarse after she had some of the water he brought. Boone hadn't heard anything about what happened with Sawyer, but he either didn't have the inhalers or wasn't going to give them up. Boone just figured he didn't have them; Sawyer wouldn't have had a reason to hold onto them for this long. Especially now that Shannon was doing fine without them.

He kept going back to all the blood, though, the blood that Sayid had said was Sawyer's. Then he thought about how Jack seemed to be avoiding him, like he was ashamed. Whatever had happened with Sawyer got out of hand. Boone absent-mindedly touched the scrape on his forehead.

"It would have been touching if you weren't covered in blood."

He looked over at Shannon, knowing he was getting teased for something but relieved she had the breath to string a full sentence together without gasping. "What would have?"

"Jack playing doctor before."

"I don't think you can 'play doctor' if you're an actual doctor, Shan."

"Have you slept with him?"

The bluntness of her question caught Boone off-guard. "Excuse me?"

Shannon smirked at him. "You're usually not this dense and needing so much clarification."

"I'm just curious as to why you assume I've slept with Jack," Boone tried to sound at least a little angry, but from all that had happened, he didn't have the energy.

"It seemed like there was a lot of sexual tension, so I figured you slept with him. He's a little old, but since he's a doctor I'd guess he's loaded."

Boone scowled at Shannon's put-downs. "Given your tastes, then, I'm surprised you haven't slept with him yet." Boone found himself being thrown off-guard again from the hurt expression on Shannon's face. "Sorry."

She just shrugged. "I think I had it coming." They were quiet for a couple minutes as Jack entered the vicinity, looking drained. He dropped something off at the area all the medical supplies were kept, washed his hands in a stream, and then went back out into the jungle. "Do you like him?"

"I wouldn't have a chance, so it doesn't matter."

"That didn't answer the question."

Boone sighed, fully understanding that Shannon would be able to tell if he was lying, so there was no point in denying. "I am attracted to him."

"So what's stopping you?"

"We're on an island in the middle of no where with an extremely thin chance of rescue. If he's not interested, it's not like I can just move to another uncharted island so I'll never worry about seeing him again." Shannon's imploring gaze was starting to make Boone feel defensive. "Straight guys don't always respond well to getting hit on by other guys."

"So you know for certain he's straight?" Boone had to admit Shannon had a point. He didn't know one hundred percent either way. Just the day before he had been willing to test Jack, try and figure out how he would respond, if he'd be receptive to any advances Boone tried to make, but then other days he didn't feel like it was worth the risk.

At the time Boone had been too concerned with keeping his hormones from Jack's proximity to pay attention to Jack himself. The other man had been very insistent on making sure Boone was okay, which Boone thought had been overbearing. Sure, he happened to have been hit in the face, but it wasn't any different than the various cuts and scrapes from the plane crash. Jack had seemed more actively concerned with the scrape on Boone's face than Shannon's breathing, which was decidedly a far more serious problem. But Jack didn't seem to be screaming "I like men," either. Although Boone had to admit neither did he. Sometimes these things were hard to tell.

"I'll take that as a no," Shannon said, a little too smugly. "And the fact that he flirts with Kate doesn't count, so don't even try arguing with it. In case you've noticed, Kate flirts with Sayid, Charlie, and even Sawyer. I could talk to him for you, if you like."

Boone frowned at that idea. "What are we in, junior high? I just want a little more assurance, which I'll be able to manage perfectly fine without your help."

However Shannon was gonna respond got buried under another coughing fit. Boone grabbed the eucalyptus Sun had prepared, rubbing some onto Shannon's chest to help her breathe. "I'm okay," she gasped, "Really." She grabbed for the bottle of water, draining its contents. "All this coughing is making my stomach hurt." Boone noticed that she had an arm crossed over her middle.

"Maybe you should get some sleep."

She nodded slowly, Boone glad that there was something they were agreeing on. "Will you stay? In case I can't breathe again?"

"I'll be here. Just get some rest."

Shannon smiled softly at him before quickly falling asleep. Boone looked around and saw that there was no where near that was comfortable for him to lie down and rest himself, but he didn't mind so much. He had too much to think about to sleep.


	10. Dream

Title: In Admiration - Part 10

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #92 Dream

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Jack was getting sick of staring at the ceiling of his cave. He felt like he'd been staring at it for hours, which, if he could read his watch, he just might have been. Since the crash, Jack hadn't been getting a lot of sleep, but the times he did get to rest for several hours, he had no trouble passing out on whatever rock or piece of beach he happened to lie down on. He sighed heavily, giving into the fact that tonight just wasn't going to be a night he got any sleep. Jack got up, putting on a shirt and a pair of pants before exiting the cave. As much as Jack wouldn't have minded walking around in the cooler, nighttime air in his boxers, he was sure there were some other survivors that wouldn't appreciate it.

Jack briefly surveyed the area. He saw that Shannon had moved to just inside one of the caves, and that Boone was no longer sitting beside her. Jack looked around more and saw Boone sitting by one of the few fires that had been left burning, eating a large piece of fruit that had been halved.

"Hey," Boone greeted Jack softly when he got closer. Sounds tended to carry in the caves, and Jack figured he was practically whispering to be polite to those sleeping. "Want some papaya?"

Jack nodded. "Thanks," he replied, taking the other half and biting into the fleshy insides of the fruit. It was ripe and juicy and just perfect. "How's Shannon doing?"

Boone gave a half-hearted shrug. "Her breathing has seemed fine, and she hasn't woken up at all. I think she'll be okay."

"That's good, then." Jack noticed that Boone had changed. The shirt he was wearing no longer had blood on it. "Does your face feel all right?"

"Certain facial expressions hurt, feel like the skin is getting stretched tight, and maybe like it's bruised, but I don't think my nose is about to fall off or anything," Jack had to chuckle at the sarcastic grin Boone threw his way. "I've been hit before; I'll survive."

"It's not you I'm worried about so much as the bacteria that could be in the air or water here that'll make things worse that'll make me have to worry about you." Jack hoped he wasn't coming across as paranoid, but for all he knew, there could be malaria or worse. "Let me just clean it up once more and I won't bother you about it again."

Boone agreed, begrudgingly commenting about how Jack should save the peroxide for something more serious than a couple scratches. He cleaned up Boone's face in relative silence, the running water throughout the caves being the only sound. Jack noticed that Boone was right, he didn't really need to get the scratches looked at. The one on his forehead was scabbed a little, and his left nostril and the area around it looked a little raw, but that was it.

Jack put down the piece of gauze he had soaked with peroxide, holding Boone's head with his right hand, angling him to see better in the brief flicker of firelight and the few shards of moonlight that made it through the jungle canopy. He suddenly found himself aware of proximity, and how Boone was biting his bottom lip, but whether he was nervous about something or in pain from the peroxide, Jack couldn't tell.

His brain registered sensations before he figured out what was going on. Softness came first, then warm, moving air, before Jack realized that he was kissing Boone. He pulled away quickly as if burned, ashamed at his sudden loss of control. He looked up carefully but was unable to gauge Boone's reaction - his eyes were hidden in the shadows. Before Jack could mumble an apology, Boone reached forward, grabbed fistfuls of Jack's T-shirt, and pulled Jack to him, faces mere centimeters apart.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry," Boone's voice was almost a hiss, and yet Jack could feel him shaking. "I've been dreaming about this almost since we crashed here, and I'm not going to let you apologize this away."

Jack wanted to tell Boone that he had it wrong, that Jack's body may have acted on an impulse, but it wasn't an accident and he sure wasn't regretting it. He wanted to tell Boone that he wanted him, as well, but he couldn't find the words, so he closed the gap between them, capturing Boone's mouth in another kiss. It started out slow and tender, as if they were trying to commit the feel of one another to memory. As confidence and familiarity increased, so did desperation and need. Jack felt himself being pulled down onto the salvaged seat cushions so that he was laying half on top of Boone. The rest of the world seemed muted, subdued, except for Boone, who was electric, vibrant. The other man's body was smaller, but from what Jack could feel, just as strong, and the fierceness that Jack often saw in Boone's gaze was now transferred into his movements.

He could feel Boone groping blindly at his shoulders and chest as Jack moved from Boone's mouth to trace kisses down his jaw line, sucking at the spot where it met his neck. Jack shuddered slightly at the sound of Boone's voice, repeating his name over and over like a mantra. Jack swore when the shouting of his name got louder and the image of Boone quickly faded. He tried to ignore whoever was calling him, willing the dream to return, but he was too awake and it was gone.

Jack sat up, blinking blearily at Charlie, who was standing at the cave entrance. He heard Charlie asking if he could check on Claire, saying that she was in pain and wanted to be sure it was something she ate instead of trouble with the baby. Jack nodded, telling Charlie he'd be there in a minute, and got up to look for some antacids to help Claire's stomach, because that was most likely the case.

Locke was nearby when Jack left the cave, and the other gave Jack a long look, which he chose to ignore. Jack saw where Claire and Charlie were sitting, Sun and Hurley with them, too. Shannon and Boone, Jack noticed, must have gone back to the beach already. He shook away thoughts of the dream, still feeling disappointed that it had only been a figment of his imagination, but Jack knew he couldn't think about Boone when he had other responsibilities to attend to.


	11. If

Title: In Admiration - Part 11

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #55 If

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Getting the dream out of his head, Jack realized, was easier said than done. The dreams seemed to be continuing every time he closed his eyes, always starting back at the beginning, but never becoming too heavy, which Jack felt was actually worse than having an all-out wet dream. The ones he was having were ending before things got too interesting, which left Jack with a craving that wasn't being satisfied.

Jack understood stress, but this was reaching an entirely new level. The other survivors weren't helping much, either. This one particularly, Sullivan, kept coming to him for every little nuance. Jack was starting to wonder if Sullivan was on anxiety medications that had just run out.

He went over to a pool of water, splashing some on his face. Jack saw Locke nearby, absent-mindedly sharpening one of his knives. "Going on a hunt, John?"

The other man nodded, running his thumb over the knife blade before putting it away. "I'm waiting for Ethan; he's volunteered to come back out with me. He's a good tracker." Jack hated talking to Locke. He always felt like it was a battle of wills with the other man, like they were both trying to stare each other down. Currently, though, Locke was looking at Jack like he could see his soul, which Jack found highly unnerving. "What did she show you, Jack?"

"What did who show me?"

"The island, Jack." Jack was at a loss for words. Was Locke completely insane? "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. The last time the island showed you something, you ended up here." John motioned to the surrounding caves, reminding Jack of when he thought he saw his dead father, went running through the jungle, and would have fallen from the cliff if it weren't for Locke. "You haven't been sleeping well. The island uses dreams as a medium to communicate to those who don't listen, so what did she show you?"

Jack was too dumbfounded by Locke's logic to come up with an answer before Ethan showed up, and they left wordlessly, leaving Jack standing there by himself. John's faith involving the island had reached a whole new level of oddity in Jack's mind. The completely illogical and decidedly frustrated part of his brain that Jack was attributing the dreams too, however, seemed all too eager to accept Locke's words as truth. The rest of Jack knew that was insane, though, and that if any aspect of the dreams happened to be true, it had nothing to do with the island.

He grabbed some empty water bottles, filling them up to bring water to the beach. He needed to figure out a way to talk to Boone without risking the chance of freaking him out. A lot of men didn't respond well to being hit on by other men, and Jack had the other disadvantage of being older than Boone. He figured he could handle rejection, but he didn't want to be seen as a pervert that goes after younger men.

Jack needed to figure something out and figure it out fast because all these ifs and maybes were driving him insane.


	12. Family

Title: In Admiration - Part 12

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #16 Family

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"I got two tubes of sunscreen and a flashlight says he chokes." Boone looked over at the source of the voice, seeing Kate rising to her feet out of the corner of his eye. It was Sawyer. Boone couldn't help but glare at the other man. Sawyer had a tendency to cause trouble, and the people at the makeshift golf course were enjoying themselves.

Sawyer was smiling, albeit somewhat uncomfortably, and Boone noticed that Jack seemed happy to see Sawyer there. He looked away upon catching Boone's gaze.

"I'll take that action," Kate said quietly from beside Boone.

He saw that Sawyer was still looking uncomfortable, his usual facade not in place. Boone also noticed Jack looking at him. Sawyer seemed to be making an effort, and for some reason Boone felt like it was up to him. Like everyone knew why Sawyer was injured. "Yeah... Yeah, me too."

Boone heard Shannon scoff at his right. "You just bet on Jack, dumbass."

"We need the sunscreen, princess." He felt embarrassed afterwards and hoped it didn't show. Boone didn't like the idea of starting their bickering in front of all these people, especially Jack.

Boone looked over at Shannon, getting a smirk in response. He could tell what she was thinking about - that night in Sydney, when she told him he was in love with her and had always been. The smirk still seemed to be saying "how can you even show an interest in Jack when you're still hung up on me?" Or at least that was how Boone read it. And it was true. If something were to happen, it wouldn't be fair to Jack if Boone had feelings for Shannon. Everyone one the island thought they were family, and that the arguing, bickering, and name-calling was just that of siblings. That Boone looked after Shannon because she was his sister.

But he knew they weren't really related and so did she. Boone had been ten years old when their parents got married, so Shannon never really felt like his sister, even though they were raised together as such. They'd always just felt like friends who fought a lot for no good reason, and Boone had never been quite sure as to the nature of their fighting until Sydney. Shannon's saying he was in love with her...it made so much sense at the time, even knowing she had just been playing Boone for his money.

After, though, nothing felt instantly resolved. If anything, things felt worse.

Boone looked away from Shannon and over to Jack, watching him prepare to take the shot. Boone's problem, he realized, was he had a hard time differentiating from being in love with someone and just plain loving someone. If he loved Shannon or was in love with her, he couldn't quite tell.

The sound of enthusiastic applause brought Boone's thoughts back to the present, and he looked up just in time to see Jack smiling in his direction; Boone couldn't help but smile back. Jack just looked so sexy when he smiled. He watched as Hurley and Charlie congratulated Jack, Hurley giving a hearty slap on the back while Charlie's expression was one of stunned disbelief. Boone looked away when Kate went over to join them.


	13. Discovery

Title: In Admiration - Part 13

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #78 Discovery

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"I am so not moving to the rape caves," Shannon gave Boone a pointed look before dropping her bag in the sand.

He ignored her, turning to Hurley. "You know your life would be much easier if you just had the manifest. We crossed out all the names of the dead after we burned the fuselage, so it should be a full roster of the rest of us."

"What? Really? Who has it?" Hurley looked happy to hear that, and Boone was surprised Hurley hadn't thought of it himself since he had been at the memorial service next to Claire. Boone wouldn't have wanted the task of walking between the caves and the beach, interviewing the forty-something survivors.

"Who do you think?" Hurley followed Boone's line of sight over in the direction of Sawyer's tent, and Hurley suddenly looked apprehensive.

"Right..." He sighed. "Thanks, man."

"Yeah, sure." Boone watched as Hurley went in the direction of Sawyer's tent. Maybe he did have a chance at getting the manifest. Sawyer seemed to be making somewhat of an effort for people to like him.

"I didn't really want to move to the caves anyway." Boone turned to look at Shannon who seemed to be setting herself up for a new pedicure. "Watching you and Jack float around each other would just drive me insane." She pulled out a bottle of nail polish and started to shake it, facing Boone. "I'm sure this is Sabrina's fault in some way or another."

"Yes, Shannon, it's all my mother's fault that I don't want to freak out Jack who, if you haven't noticed, spends a lot of time with Kate."

Boone distinctly saw Shannon roll her eyes at him. "You keep using the same excuse, bonehead, it's getting old. And it's more like Kate spends a lot of time with him. Every time he shows up at the beach to bring water, give Sawyer the antibiotics, get fish, whatever, she's over there the second she knows he's here. Even Sawyer can see that Jack isn't interested in Kate, which is why he teases her every chance he gets."

"Why are you talking to Sawyer?"

Shannon shrugged. "He has things I need. Sometimes, if you ask nicely instead of just going through his stuff, he'll give it to you. Back to you and Jack, though, I'm sick of you waffling."

He wanted to yell at her. Wanted to tell Shannon about how maybe something would have happened one way or the other by now if they hadn't slept together in Sydney. That things would have been playing out differently if Boone didn't have the added bonus of trying to figure out how he really felt for Shannon on top of what he wanted with Jack. But he didn't. The last thing he needed was to give her ammo to use against him to use later on. Shannon might have known on some level that Boone was still confused over what had happened, but he wasn't going to openly admit it to her.

Shannon sighed as she began applying the polish to her big toe. "How come these things are so obvious to everyone except the people involved?"

"Maybe you're just trying to get me to make an ass of myself. It seems to be your favorite pastime."

"I think the problem is he's being subtle and you need to be hit in the face with something to understand it."

Boone kneeled down in the sat opposite Shannon, trying to get a read on her facial expression to see if she was bullshitting him or not, but she was paying to much attention to her pedicure for him to tell. "All right, then, if you're the expert, prove it."

She looked at him for a moment, lips pursed, before going back to her nails. "He actually smiles when you're around. At the golf thing? Was definitely looking at you, not Kate, and she was right next to you. He looked a little disappointed when you left. It seems like he's trying to figure you out just as much as you're trying to figure him out. I'm starting to wonder how men get together on their own."

Boone shifted his position from kneeling to sitting, wishing he had sandals since the constant feeling of sand in his shoes was starting to drive him insane. "Here there's no context. Clubs, bars, coffeehouses...it's easier to tell at home. Without context it's harder to tell. Not every gay guy dances around in hot pants singing Barbra Streisand with a lisp."

Shannon stopped painting her nails suddenly, giving a disgusted look up at Boone. "Okay, ew, I didn't need that mental image of you or Jack."

Boone sighed. "The point being, you didn't prove anything."

"He told me."

She'd said it so casually that Boone figured he didn't hear right. "What?"

Shannon stopped, putting the brush back in the bottle and twisting it shut. "Do I need to spell it out for you? He. Told. Me." Boone sat dumbfounded, mentally in a place between total disbelief and pure excitement. Jack actually liked him! Shannon opened the nail polish back up, starting on the other foot. "See, like I said, you need to be hit in the face."


	14. Storm

Title: In Admiration - Part 14

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #45 Storm

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone was starting to think volunteering to help search for Claire was a bad idea. When he asked John if he could help, Boone hadn't considered that Jack might be joining them. Boone definitely didn't mind spending time with Jack, but on the trek through the jungle, following a trail that only Locke could see, Jack was hell-bent on finding Charlie and Claire and not really paying attention to much else. Even that, however, wouldn't have bothered Boone so much if Kate hadn't tagged along, as well, and kept on making a point of getting Jack to notice her.

Then the trail split and Kate magically obtained tracking skills, and Boone could tell before any decision was made that he was going to get stuck with Locke and Kate would head off with Jack in the other direction. He was slightly curious as to what getting stuck with Kate would have been like. They had an awkwardness between them that, the best Boone could determine, started during their hike to get the transceiver signal and he had to give Kate the gun. Boone might have trusted Sawyer more with the gun than Kate because at least Sawyer had proved he knew how to use it. Kate had said herself that she didn't know how to use the gun, and what was the point of using it for protection if the person that had it wouldn't be able to do anything about it?

But now it was dark, pouring rain, and Locke had admitted a while ago that the trail was cold and he was just following his instincts. Boone could have gone back but he didn't. He still wasn't sure why that was. He wasn't feeling entirely useful out here, following John in the dark and soaked to the bone, and part of him didn't want to return to the caves to see that Jack and Kate were still gone. He also wasn't feeling quite up to dealing with Shannon at the moment. Boone was having a harder time sorting out feelings with her constantly around and her attitude yo-yoing between really nice and really bitchy.

Boone was starting to feel a little cold, though, and very tired, and climbing up a rocky hill in the rain didn't seem like a good idea to him. "Are we lost?" He tried not to chuckle at the stupidity of the question. Of course they were lost - they were on an island with no hope of rescue.

"No, Boone, we're not lost." John sounded slightly annoyed, which made Boone feel like a kid that had been in the car for too long and was wondering if they were there yet.

"Sorry. It's just... I don't see how you can still be following his trail." Locke wasn't turning around to look at him, so Boone kept talking. "I think we should go back, man."

"Don't you feel it?" The tone in his voice was poorly concealed excitement, and for some reason that made Boone uneasy.

"Feel what?"

"It."

Locke was starting to seem more than a little weird. All Boone felt was cold, wet, and tired. "All right, John, I'm gonna follow the strips back."

"Suit yourself."

Locke started to continue onward as Boone looked back the way they came, trying to figure out the best route without slipping and seriously injuring himself. "Boone!" He turned around to look at Locke, see what the other wanted. "You need this more than I do." He tossed the flashlight, but Boone missed and it fell to the ground, making a heavy clanking sound when it landed.

Boone and Locke both looked at each other before kneeling down to look at the ground. Boone picked up the flashlight, looking back up at John. "What is that?"

He watched as Locke pulled out his knife, using it to push away the dirt and leaves on the jungle floor. He hit the tip of his knife against what was underneath, a clanking sound resounding from below them. "Steel," John said simply.

"Could that be part of the plane? Part of the wreckage?" Locke kept tapping at it with his knife, and whatever was under them sounded really big and really hollow. They started to move away more of the dirt, revealing more of the steel plate. "What is that?"

John looked at Boone, a glint in his eyes. "That's what we're gonna find out."

They kept on pushing the dirt away, and Boone couldn't help but feel a little excited. Locke had said "we." Boone knew how to dig. This could be his project, his contribution, his way of not being useless. As they continued to dig, Boone forgot about their search for Charlie and Claire, the fact that Jack and Kate were off somewhere, and that Shannon might still be at the caves waiting for him to return.


	15. Epiphany

Title: In Admiration - Part 15

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #91 Epiphany

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone was exhausted. His day had been absolute hell, and then to find out Locke had drugged him, well, he wasn't sure if that made it better or worse. The fact that he felt relieved when he thought Shannon was dead made Boone feel like a very, very bad person, but it was also extremely liberating. He wasn't in love with Shannon. Locke had told him that it was time to let go. Boone looked over at where Shannon was talking with Sayid. She didn't need him anymore.

Locke was standing beside him, backpack on. "Follow me."

Boone got up reluctantly, taking one last look at Shannon and Sayid before following Locke into the jungle. "What a minute, John, where are we going?"

"To the hatch."

Boone stopped in his tracks. It was the middle of the night. He'd just spend the entire day in the jungle, running from the monster, and even though it had been a figment of his imagination, Boone's body still ached and craved sleep. "I think I'm just gonna go back to the beach and get some rest."

Locke nodded. "That might be a good idea; you've had a busy day." Without another word, John continued off into the jungle. Once Boone couldn't see him anymore, he turned around, going back through the caves to get to the beach.

Shannon and Sayid were still there, Sayid seeming to be telling something to Shannon, who had a hand over her mouth as if she was trying to suppress laughter. From the way they were standing, Boone knew Shannon couldn't see him, but Sayid hesitated for a moment as he caught sight of Boone. He didn't feel like going over there and talking to them, still feeling off-balanced by thinking Shannon had died, but he wanted to somehow convey to Sayid that things were cool. Boone waved his hand dismissively and smiled at Sayid, hoping the other man got the message through the darkness. When Sayid smiled back, Boone figured he understood, and he set off on the path that leads to the beach.

The walk seemed longer than Boone remembered. He kept telling himself that he was still on the path, that everything looked different at night, but it wasn't really helping. Boone was starting to think he should have stayed at the caves. He was shaken up and walking back by himself wasn't a good idea at all.

He knew he should feel pissed off at Locke for putting him through that, but John had said himself that he didn't know what was going to happen, what Boone was going to see. In the end it had all turned out to be harmless, and it even helped Boone through some grey areas he was having a tough time with. He wasn't in love with Shannon. If anything, some part of him felt burdened by her. Boone understood that those feelings had probably started in Sydney, when he found out that Shannon was just scamming him for the money. And then after the plane crashed, they ended up spending a lot of time together, and people in general, no matter their relationship to each other, needed some space to not go insane.

Shannon was his sister. Maybe on some level, the part of them that understood that they had no blood ties, they were friends. What happened in Sydney was either Shannon taking advantage of him because she was drunk or her, still drunk, trying to distract Boone from the fact that she had scammed him out of money was unable to keep her own portion. Boone wasn't sure which version he preferred, but he certainly didn't care anymore.

Boone learned something else that made one problem of his remarkably easier to deal with and act on: There was now nothing keeping him from Jack. He couldn't help but smile to himself at this new revelation.

A root appeared out of no where, causing Boone to trip, but he quickly reached out for a vine hanging from the canopy, keeping himself from falling flat on his face. He steadied himself, glad that the vine could support his weight, and even more so that no one had been around to witness his clumsiness. Boone wished he'd grabbed a torch at the caves, but the moon was bright and coming through the trees, so he didn't think he'd need one. Besides, he'd gotten from wherever Locke had left him back to the caves in the dark on his own.

Boone could see that the trees were starting to become less dense, so he must be getting closer to the beach. It was also getting brighter as more and more moonlight shone through. The sound of twigs snapping made him pause and look in the direction of the sound. He could see shadows moving through the trees, but it took a little bit for the silhouette of the person walking towards him to distinguish itself from the surrounding darkness. The other paused upon noticing Boone, and Boone couldn't it when his heart started to pound faster in his chest when he recognized who it was.

"Hey," came Jack's voice.

"Hey," Boone replied lamely, feeling his body moving towards Jack but not really registering that he was walking. "What are you doing out here?"

"Needed to check on Sawyer. I took him off the antibiotics yesterday and wanted to make sure no infection was setting in." Boone liked watching Jack's face, seeing the emotions that flickered through his eyes as he talked. He liked watching Jack's mouth, too, but that was for different reasons altogether.

Boone felt Jack's eyes on him, and he realized that Shannon was right. They did float around each other, and Boone could only now see it because he knew Jack had feelings for him. While Boone found it a little cute that Jack, the confident, aggressive leader whether he liked it or not, got shy and uncertain around him, Boone was also getting frustrated. He felt a surge of courage wash over him as he stepped closer to Jack, keeping his eyes on the taller man's, and stopping when he could feel the warmth of Jack's breath brush across his face.

It was now or never.


	16. Confrontation

Title: In Admiration - Part 16

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #96 Confrontation (Writer's Choice)

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Jack was having a hard time keeping his breathing steady. Boone's face was mere inches from his own, and all Jack could think of was getting lost in the younger man's impossibly blue eyes. Jack began to wonder when he had fallen asleep. There was no way this meeting was real. No one's eyes could be that blue. He became vaguely aware of Boone speaking, moving his eyes down to Boone's mouth to concentrate on the words being formed. Jack wondered how Boone's voice would sound throaty and filled with desire.

"So I hear you've been talking to my sister."

That statement confused Jack. "Oh yeah?" he replied, not entirely sure why Boone would bring up if he'd been talking to Shannon.

Jack watched as Boone's eyes went from focusing on something behind him to Jack's own gaze. "You don't need to act shy, Jack. I know you told Shannon you like me." Boone's expression almost looked expectant as his eyes never wavered.

"I..." Jack tried to put together a sentence, but he couldn't even figure out where to start. He felt like his stomach was doing somersaults, and Jack couldn't remember being this nervous since he'd been a resident. "I haven't talked to Shannon, Boone." Part of Jack began to hurt at the look of betrayal that overcame the younger man's face. "Boone..."

But he was slowly stepping away from Jack, slowly shaking his head, eyes wide. "Why would she...?"

"Boone..." Jack tried again, but he wasn't paying attention.

"This is low, even for her," Boone said, voice sounding nearly hysterical, his hand half-covering his face and eyes looking anywhere and everywhere except at Jack. When Boone's gaze finally did land on Jack's, the evident pain on his face brought tears to Jack's eyes. "I should get to the beach," Boone mumbled, looking down to the ground as he started moving to pass Jack.

Jack turned quickly, spinning around and grabbing Boone's arm in the same movement, feeling the flexing of muscle playing under his fingers as Boone struggled to get away. Jack held onto him until he stopped fighting, giving in. "You need to let me finish," Jack began, trying very hard to keep his voice even, but the effort was fruitless since he was holding Boone and knew his hands were shaking. "I never said she was wrong."

Jack had no idea which one of them initiated the kiss, but quite honestly, he didn't care. Boone was a slightly smaller man, but he clung to Jack with as much strength as Jack clung to him. He relaxed his grip on Boone's arms, feeling hands moving across his shoulders to hold the back of Jack's head. Jack moved his hands down to Boone's waist, tracing lines with the pads of his thumbs over the other man's taut stomach.

When Jack did break the kiss, it was very reluctantly. Although their mouths were separated, Jack couldn't bear to break contact completely, leaving his hands where they were and leaning in slightly to press his forehead against Boone's. "I'm waiting to wake up," Jack whispered, unable to keep the grin from spreading across his face.

Jack smiled when Boone chuckled in response. "Why? You been dreaming about me?"

"Yes," Jack replied simply, and Boone looked surprised by his candor.

Boone leaned his head against Jack's shoulder, teasing the nape of Jack's neck with his fingers. "Well if you're dreaming, don't wake up because I've been wanting this for a while, and that would just be selfish of you." Jack felt Boone sigh against his chest. "So what happens now?"

"I drag you back to my cave and have my wicked way with you." Boone looked up, quirking an eyebrow. "I was joking."

"Too bad," came Boone's response.

Jack chuckled at Boone's disappointment. "I don't want things to be like that with you."

"Well, this can't be a dream, then, because, at least in my dreams, we'd be naked by now." Boone leaned back, holding himself an arm's length from Jack. "Seriously, though, I'd like to know what I'm getting into."

Jack wasn't entirely sure what Boone was trying to get at. "Well...I like you, and you like me, so we can play it by ear and see what happens." From the way Boone was biting his bottom lip, Jack got the idea that wasn't what he'd been expecting. "I'm not sure I'm following you."

"I guess I'm not sure how island dating is supposed to work. I mean...are you looking into something serious or just casual sex? I can work with either, but if you want the latter, it'd be helpful to know if you wanna keep this a secret or not."

Jack couldn't believe how casually Boone was talking about an idea such as that. "Have you done that before?"

Boone shrugged. "Sometimes guys have issues coping... Sleep with women as well. Sometimes people just can't let go of the fact that they can't consider themselves as 'straight' anymore. It's usually just about sex."

Jack moved his hands up so they were holding onto either side of Boone's face. "I think you're a really special guy, Boone, and anything we have here...sex is a bonus. I want to know you. I want to be with you." Jack was happy when Boone smiled at what he said. He'd hate to think Boone was so jaded about relationships. "And about whether we tell the others or not...they can find out when we want to tell them." Jack traced Boone's face with his thumb, studying his expression. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," Boone replied, tangling his fingers in the front of Jack's shirt and pulling him forward so they were kissing again. Jack sighed into it, relishing in the way Boone felt and tasted. He felt like an eager teenager again, unable to satiate desire for Boone, but he didn't want to get wrapped up in too much, too fast. He had been serious about wanting to know Boone. They were all getting a second chance on this island, and Jack's life before the crash had been filled with trying to hide from the world how he really was and what he really wanted.

Jack felt Boone swaying slightly, so he grabbed at his shoulders to steady him. Boone broke the kiss, looking sheepish. "Sorry," he apologized. "I'm more tired than I thought."

Jack nodded, understanding. "It's late. I should probably get back to the caves."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely."

When Jack got back to the caves, he was grateful for the darkness, because anyone nearby might have seen him grinning like an idiot and wonder if he'd finally lost it.


	17. Firsts

Title: In Admiration - Part 17

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #4 Firsts

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone had been very glad that they didn't go to the hatch. He was feeling a little fidgety, which Boone figured was caused by residual excitement from the previous night's developments, and it was taking a lot of his energy to suppress it. Watching Locke teach Walt how to throw knives didn't bother Boone because Locke's attention was on Walt, not him, and if it had just been the two of them John definitely would have noticed how Boone was feeling and would have said something. Locke could be freakishly perceptive.

He clearly hadn't been thinking when he ended up tackling Michael and holding Locke's knife to his face. Boone was actually glad Michael hit him because Boone wasn't sure what he had planned on doing, and he definitely didn't want to think about it.

After Michael left with Walt, Boone thought they were going to go to the hatch, but John just pulled out a whetstone and got to work on sharpening his knife. Boone felt like he was being examined under a microscope from the look Locke was giving him, and he shifted nervously. "Go back, Boone, I won't need you today."

"Are you going to the hatch?"

Locke shrugged. "I might. You aren't."

"I want to help," Boone blurted out, but he wasn't sure why he was being defensive. He didn't really want to be out here. He also, though, didn't want John to think he was giving up.

"I understand that, but you've been distracted all day, and I'm sure Jack wouldn't like it if something happened to you."

Boone tried to read John's expression, to see if the other man really knew anything. "Why would it matter to him?"

"He's the doctor. Accidents happen when people aren't paying attention."

Boone nodded slowly, leaving without saying anymore. Locke didn't know anything. That or he was testing Boone to see if he'd tell him anything. There was no way he could have known, though, unless he'd followed Boone back to the beach. Or if someone else saw them and was telling everyone about it. Or Locke really didn't know anything and Boone was overreacting to a harmless statement.

He couldn't help but smile to himself when he got to the caves and saw Jack in the middle of filling up several water bottles. Boone was also surprised to see that no one was around. He went over to the pool, removing his own bottle from his backpack, and crouched down beside Jack. "You kick everybody out?"

Boone loved it when Jack smiled and even more so when the smile was directed at him, as it was now. "If I knew how to do that I would have been doing it for a long time now." Boone saw Jack's eyes move away from his own and down a little, and Boone realized his face was probably red if not already bruising where Michael had hit him. "What happened?"

"Tripped," Boone lied, feeling bad, but he didn't think Jack needed to know about what happened with Michael.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"Will there be kissing on this walk?"

"I think that's a likely possibility. There might even be making out."

Boone liked the sound of that very much. He shoved the water bottle back in his bag, trying not to look eager to hurry after Jack in some random direction in the jungle. "Is this your usual come-on? Going on walks?"

"No... But I'm also usually not stranded on an island after a plane crash with no hope of rescue when I'm on a date."

Boone smile broadened. "So this is a date?"

"If you want to call it that." Jack stopped, looking back to, Boone guessed, to see how far they were from the caves. He bent down, giving Boone a disappointingly chaste kiss on the lips that left him craving more. "You're going to have to bear with me. I can't exactly buy you drinks or take you out for dinner."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Boone replied, happy from the smile he got from Jack, and even happier when Jack grabbed his hand to guide Boone through the jungle. "Are we going somewhere specific?"

"Just away," was Jack's response, and Boone didn't have a problem with it. Boone found himself paying attention to the jungle around them and the direction they were heading, thinking it would be really embarrassing to end up lost. He wanted to think he had picked up some tracking abilities from what Locke taught him. "This looks good."

Boone looked in the direction Jack was facing to see they reached an area that looked like it might have been near Hurley's makeshift golf course. The trees got thinner and then there was a large grassy area, but it still had some trees spaced intermittently. Boone's gaze was drawn directly to the white tarp that was suspended in the air, held up by sizeable sticks in the ground, vaguely resembling Sawyer's beach tent.

"Something tells me you planned this." Boone looked at Jack, touched by the gesture.

"I saw the shelters being built at the beach and had an idea."

"You did all this today?"

Jack nodded. "No one came to bother me about rashes, bug bites, stab wounds, or head injuries. So far it's been a good day."

Boone moved under the tarp, watching Jack follow him, and trying to keep his hormones from getting too out of control. "I think it could get better."

"I agree," Jack responded, and Boone felt his breath getting torn away as Jack's mouth covered his with a slow kiss. Boone savored the warmth and pressure of Jack's lips, opening his mouth a little wider to deepen the kiss, committing the taste and feel of Jack's mouth to memory.

Boone was having a hard time remembering the last man he'd been with who had treated him like he was worth anything, but he was having a hard time thinking as all of his senses absorbed Jack. When they moved to lie down, and Jack placed his arm under Boone's head so he wouldn't have to lay on the ground, Boone thought of how he could easily get used to this.


	18. High

Title: In Admiration - Part 18

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #84 High

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Kate turned to find the source of the laughter that was carried to her on the breeze. She saw Sayid and Shannon, the latter curled up in a fit of giggles, sitting in the sand with Rousseau's maps spread out in front of them. Kate couldn't help but smile sadly, remembering a time that seemed so long ago when she was Shannon's age and was able to laugh more. So much had changed so quickly that even Kate was having a hard time keeping up.

She spotted Charlie and Hurley walking down the beach together in her direction. Charlie seemed to be doing better about Claire's kidnapping. Or, at least he was talking now. Kate instantly spotted the facade Charlie was putting up, but it put others around him at ease, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing. Kate didn't particularly care for their conversation until the name "Jack" came to her ears.

"...been acting like a bloody loon!" Charlie's voice was very clear now as they got closer, and Kate couldn't help but be curious about their conversation.

"That's why the caves aren't a good place to live," Kate said, loud enough for them to hear as they were still several yards away. "Small spaces have been known to drive people insane." She shielded a hand over her eyes, squinting slightly from the intense sunlight, as she watched Charlie and Hurley approach and sit besides her on the sand.

"It's getting weird down there, man." Hurley bent his knees in to sit cross-legged, looking out at the water. "Jack's either on a different creepy island than the rest of us or, well, the peroxide fumes are getting to him or...something."

Charlie tilted his head to the side a little, a gesture Kate noticed he often did when he was thinking. "You mean you think Jack is using drugs?"

"Whoa, dude, I never said that. But it's just...if he isn't high, why the hell is he in such a good mood?"

Kate scoffed. "I highly doubt Jack would take drugs."

"Have you seen the guy lately?" Charlie asked. "I was getting some water...I swear, he was whistling."

"Jack?" Kate raised her eyebrows at Charlie, then Hurley, who was nodding his head slowly. "Jack was whistling?"

Charlie held up his right hand. "On my honor."

Kate shook her head, standing and brushing the sand off the seat of her pants. "This I gotta see."

"If he's moved on to singing," Hurley called after as she started to walk away, "feel free to hit him on the head with something heavy. Repeatedly."

She was at the mouth of the path to the caves when Kate her Sawyer's lazy Southern drawl. "See how that worked out, Freckles?"

Sawyer was lying back in one of the seats that had been salvaged before the fuselage was burned. He was holding the well-worn copy of Watership Down open in front of him, but his eyes were on her. "How did what work?"

"Your waitin' so long to go after the doc. Sounds like he found him someone else."

"You heard all that?" Kate saw in the distance Locke and Boone arriving at the beach without, she noticed, any food.

Sawyer grinned slowly. "I hear lots of things." He closed the book, pulling himself up to dangle his legs over the chair, feet on the ground. "Point is, Freckles, you forgot you ain't the only girl on this island. A man's got needs."

Kate brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, looking at the path before looking back at Sawyer. "A woman's got needs too," she said, starting off in the direction of the caves, and smile at the amused chuckle coming from Sawyer. Kate couldn't help but think back to the kiss Sawyer had demanded of her a couple weeks before. Kissing Sawyer was like kissing fire - wild, controllable in small amounts, but too much and you'd surely get burned. She then wondered if kissing Jack would be like kissing water. Soothing, calm, and yet still dangerous.


	19. New Year

Title: In Admiration - Part 19

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #60 New Year

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

For the first time in as long as she'd known him, Shannon was having a difficult time reading Boone. All she had done was asked why Locke and he kept coming back from hunting without food, and Boone had ignored her. She pressed the point further, and all Shannon got in response was him saying how she should be excited to lose some weight. Shannon then tried suggesting that he help her help Michael build the raft so they could get off the damn island, but he'd just said "no thanks."

She'd watched him fill up his water bottle and head back out in the jungle with Locke in disbelief. Boone couldn't just now be mad at her about what happened in Sydney, could he? That was practically a month ago. Shannon didn't quite remember what she'd said to get him to have sex with her, which she definitely blamed on the alcohol, but that wasn't a good reason to be mad at her now.

That evening had been a big mistake on Shannon's part. She figured she had just been seeking comfort at the time, but afterwards Shannon just felt worse. She had played Boone for his money. When Shannon got the idea it hadn't seemed like a big deal. Boone worked for Sabrina, so the money was really hers, and when Shannon's father died, Sabrina kept the money that should have been Shannon's, so Shannon was really taking back what was hers.

Boone didn't see it like that, though, and now he was avoiding her.

Shannon looked over, seeing Jack looking busy. She suddenly had a lurching feeling in her gut. Could she have been wrong?

It had been extremely obvious that Boone was crushing on Jack, and from what she had seen, it looked like it was mutual. Jack hadn't actually told Shannon that he was attracted to Boone, but she thought she was good at reading people, and Boone really needed a push.

But now he was ignoring her, acting like Shannon had done something wrong and he wasn't going to deal with her anymore. If she had been wrong, and Boone had said or done something to Jack... Shannon remembered all too well the expression on Boone's face when he found out Shannon had been playing Boone for his money. Although she knew Jack wasn't that type of person, she couldn't shake images of him hitting Boone, the images easily supplied because that's just what Brian had done when Boone refused to leave without Shannon. That had been her fault, too.

"You look lost in thought."

Shannon turned, forcing a smile at Sayid. "I just figured out I'm the cause of all my brother's problems."

"I was under the impression that was the purpose of siblings."

Shannon hoped Sayid didn't notice her smile falter when he said the word siblings. "I've done some things that are really...bitchy." Shannon felt her eyes beginning to water from the softness in Sayid's dark eyes. They looked at her with a warmth she didn't feel like she deserved. "I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to forgive me."

"Shannon..." Sayid held her hands in his. "This island... It's a fresh start for all of us. To leave our old lives behind and begin again, be better."

"Like a New Year's resolution?"

Sayid gave her a questioning look. "I am not familiar with that term."

"It's a promise people make to themselves at the beginning of every year." Shannon wiped at her eyes, blinking away the tears. "I can't just start over. It's just too much."

"Maybe you could start by being nicer to your brother. It could be your resolution."

Shannon smiled a little. "People don't usually stick to their resolutions."

Sayid moved one of his hands away from hers, moving it up to hold the side of her face. "You can try. Boone will forgive you."

"You don't know that. You don't know what I did."

"Shannon, he's your brother. He loves you. Nothing you can do could change that, no matter how...bitchy." Sayid smiled when Shannon laughed at what he'd said. She liked the way his accent made words sound like they were rolling off his tongue. "I'll be here when you're ready to start over. First you need to talk to Boone."

Shannon nodded, knowing Sayid was correct. Maybe it wasn't too late for her to change and fix her life, no matter what she had done before.


	20. Parents

Title: In Admiration - Part 20

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #17 Parents

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Jack had a hard time concentrating on his conversation with Sayid and Locke. He was watching Boone sitting off by himself, away from the beach camp, almost in the same spot Rose had sat, staring at the ocean, several weeks before. His company was discussing the tripwires and fires they had set up around the perimeter, as well as sentries on rotating shifts. Jack nodded, saying it all sounded good. He was confident Locke and Sayid knew what they were doing. When they left to get back to work, Jack started to head over towards Boone.

He dropped his backpack in the sand, frowning when Boone jumped. "Maybe sentry duty isn't a good idea if you're strung out already."

Boone watched as Jack sat down next to him in the sand. "Maybe you shouldn't sneak up on me like that."

"If Ethan manages to sneak up on you, he's not just stopping by to say hello."

Boone smiled ironically. "That's why I'm a little strung out."

Jack chuckled. "You don't have to do this. I'm sure we could find someone else to take your post."

"I want to help," Boone said so matter-of-factly that Jack saw no point in arguing further. "How's Claire doing?"

"Confused. Scared. She hasn't been told about Ethan's threat, which is probably for the best."

"Doesn't she have a right to know?"

Jack shrugged. "With amnesia, it's hard to tell what will bring the memories back. Claire's overwhelmed as it is. Ethan's name alone is enough of a trigger for her to remember and remembering could make things worse."

He watched Boone out of the corner of his eye for a little while, seeing how Boone was absentmindedly tracing circles in the sand. Jack noticed how Boone's shoulders were hunched forward, like he had more on his mind than he was letting on. Jack leaned forward to kiss Boone, frowning when the other man turned his face away.

"There are people around," Boone said in an attempt to clarify.

"I don't care," Jack responded. Boone was either modest, embarrassed, or there was something else bothering him. "Boone, if you don't want to do this..."

"No!" Boone exclaimed, eyes wide. Jack felt relieved that he wasn't the problem. "I don't care if the others know. Hell, with this Ethan stuff going on they might not be bothered so much. But I'm still adjusting. I mean...part of my brain still doesn't believe you aren't straight."

Jack couldn't help but smile. Boone was so cute. "Well...I kind of was."

Boone looked confused. "So you're bisexual?"

"More like suppressed. Or repressed. Hell, it was probably both." Jack smiled at Boone, which seemed to put him at ease. "My father wasn't supportive and I listened to him more than I should have. He thought he knew what was best for me, and I followed his every word."

Jack noticed that Boone's expression was sympathetic. "I work for my mother," he said. "I was going to school in New York, and I came home because my stepfather died. I didn't even have a degree yet. Twenty years old and the COO of a subsidiary of my mother's company. It pissed off a lot of people than had been in the company since it started. I finished school in LA."

"What was the company?"

Boone blushed. "Wedding clothing - dresses, tuxedoes, the works. I don't even like weddings."

"Wait a minute," Jack said, putting the pieces together as he remembered Boone's last name from the flight manifest. "Carlyle as in Sabrina Carlyle?" Boone nodded, looking even more embarrassed. "My mother gets the magazine." Jack wondered if he should tell Boone about Sarah but decided against it. They hadn't been together for very long, so Boone didn't need to know yet. It wasn't like they could run into Sarah walking down the beach, either, so Jack figured it was information that could wait.

"I worked with my father," Jack continued. "He was the chief of surgery at Saint Sebastian's."

"Guess we both have overbearing parents, huh?"

Jack thought back to the night he found the caves and he found his father's coffin empty. He didn't know how to respond. Yeah, his father's intentions had been good, but that didn't make them right. Since that night Jack hadn't really thought about his father's death, but he still had the lingering sensation of guilt that he could have done something different and his father never would have went to Australia.

Another part of Jack realized that his father didn't have to leave the country to drink himself to death, so he supposed going to Australia didn't even factor in much. All that had done was landed him here. Looking over at Boone, Jack decided that the plane crash hadn't been an entirely bad thing.

"You should probably get back to the caves," Boone said, breaking Jack's reverie. "I heard they're sharpening sticks into spears. You might want to go back in case anyone accidentally stabbed themselves."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Boone grinned wickedly. "The longer you stay, the more I want to skip out on sentry duty and sneak off with you someplace quiet and lonely."

"That wouldn't be safe with Ethan around," Jack pointed out, remembering how Ethan had overpowered him and got the unsettling image of Boone hanging from a tree the way Charlie had been. "When this is taken care off, we can do just that."

"Well that's just more motivation to catch the son of a bitch tonight."

"Just be careful," Jack said, having a hard time being anything but concerned.

"Yeah, you too."


	21. Sunrise

Title: In Admiration - Part 21

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #31 Sunrise

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

It was a shame to Boone that the beach camp wasn't on the other side of the island where it faced east instead of west. He didn't think he'd ever been awake early enough to see the sun rise in his life, and now he was missing his chance. Oh well, he thought, at least it wasn't raining anymore.

"Why are you awake, loser?"

Boone blinked slowly, turning his head to look at Shannon. He was sitting on the beach, facing the ocean, sitting just far enough from the water so the waves couldn't reach him. Despite Shannon's words, her expression was soft, and Boone knew he shouldn't, but he felt bad for ignoring her the last few days. "I could ask you the same thing. I don't think I've ever seen you awake before noon."

"The caves are, like, drama central. No way in hell anyone is going to be able to sleep there." Boone had heard about Charlie killing Ethan. News seemed to travel quickly between the caves and the beach. He hadn't known they had access to guns on the island, but Boone figured that was how it was supposed to be. He knew Jack could be trusted. He also knew he was a little biased. "I bet Jack's pissed."

Boone noticed the amused grin. "Don't bait me."

Shannon pouted. "You can't humor me just a little?"

"Unlike you, Shannon," Boone smiled, "I do not kiss and tell."

She leaned down, shoving against his shoulder to push Boone into the sand. "All this time I thought I was wrong about Jack and that's why you were avoiding me!"

"Lying like that was a little bitchy."

"I don't think you're in any position to complain," Shannon laughed, but Boone could tell she was relieved. He thought it was nice that she had been genuinely worried about him. Boone couldn't remember the last time Shannon had been compassionate towards anyone, even him. She looked over her shoulder and then turned back towards him smiling. "I gotta go."

Boone turned to look in the direction Shannon had been to see Jack approaching, his posture telling Boone how exhausted he was. While Boone found it endearing that Jack worked so hard to make sure everyone was safe and healthy, it crossed a line when he didn't extend the same courtesy to himself. He looked around, noticing that Shannon was the only one in the vicinity who was awake, and she seemed to be heading back to the caves. As Jack got closer, Boone could see he wasn't happy at all.

"Can we go somewhere?" Jack asked, and Boone could see that he was a little more frazzled than usual. Boone stood, pressing his hand against Jack's chest.

"Are you hiding a boat on you?" Boone asked, glad to see the smile that drew out of Jack.

He felt Jack leaning into the touch. "I need to get away from everyone for a little bit."

"I think you need some sleep."

"I have a blanket in my bag."

An amused grin spread across Boone's face. "I'm dating a boy scout," he said, tone teasing. Boone ran his hand down Jack's chest and over his stomach, feeling the strong muscles underneath. He felt one of Jack's arms go across his shoulders, holding him close. Boone didn't want to move, but he could feel Jack swaying as he stood. "Okay, let's go."

They walked down the beach in silence, Boone watching Jack as they went along. He noticed that the backs of Jack's fingers were bruised, the skin over his knuckles broken in some places. He hoped it was dirt under Jack's fingernails and not dried blood. They walked for about fifteen minutes, and when Boone looked back, he couldn't even see the beach camp anymore.

"Maybe if we keep walking we'll find a beach resort," Boone said, half to get Jack to talk and half because he thought they were far enough. Jack didn't seem to be paying attention to their surroundings, and Boone didn't feel like walking all the way around the island. Jack stopped so suddenly that Boone walked into him, grabbing Jack's arm to regain his balance. "Yeah, here is good."

"Charlie killed him," Jack sighed, lowering the bag off his shoulder and unzipping the larger compartment. "Shot him six times in the chest before we could ask him anything."

Boone watched as Jack removed a decent sized blanket from the bag and spread it out over the sand. "It wasn't your fault. Charlie's...irrational."

"I tackled Ethan, dropped the gun. Charlie got it, shot Ethan."

"Charlie probably thought he was helping Claire. Ethan also hung him from a tree and left him for dead - I'd probably kill him too."

Jack's eyes leveled with Boone's, a smile tugging on the corner of his lips. "You would have slept through the whole thing."

Boone knew he was getting teased, and he knew he should be irritated, but he was glad that Jack was lightening up about the situation. Now Boone just needed to work on Jack's tendency to shoulder the blame for everything by himself. "Typical the one night I'm on sentry duty is the one night I'm not an insomniac."

Jack snorted. "And you tell me I need sleep." He kneeled on the blanket, reaching out and taking one of Boone's hands with his own, tugging him down onto the blanket with him. "Maybe we both need to catch up." Boone lowered himself in front of Jack, leaning forward to lightly caress his lips against Jack's. The kiss was gentle, caring, and despite its innocence, Boone found it unbelievably sexy.

"So you brought me out here to sleep with you."

Jack shrugged. "I came out here to get away. You're here because you're the only person I can stand to be around."

Boone smiled. "Thanks... I think."

"If you want to sleep, that's fine. If not, well," Jack paused, kissing Boone again, hands moving to find themselves on Boone's hips, "that's fine too."

"As tempting as that is," Boone said, leaving one hand twined with Jack's and bringing the other to cup his face, "I'm not up to fooling around with someone who is about to pass out on me."

"I'm not about to pass out on you," Jack said, giving an embarrassed grin as the last word stretched into a yawn. "All right, I am a little tired."

"You should sleep," Boone said, trying to be stern, but he was finding sleepy Jack utterly adorable. He watched Jack lie down across the blanket and let himself get pulled down next to him.

"Don't leave." Jack closed his eyes. "I like knowing you're safe."

Boone laid his head down, resting his chin against Jack's shoulder, and feeling Jack's body nestle closer into his. He hadn't realized how much the ordeal with Ethan had shaken Jack up. "I won't," he replied, not closing his eyes until he was sure Jack had fallen asleep.


	22. Secrets

Title: In Admiration - Part 22

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #76 Secrets

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer yelled, sitting up and seeing the mud he'd gotten all over him. He slowly pulled himself up to his feet, backtracking through the jungle for a little bit to grab the tarp he'd dropped when running from the boar. Sawyer didn't care that Sayid had mocked him for it; that boar was really out to get him! He folded up the tarp and stuffed it under his arm, trying not to think about how the mud felt caked on his clothing and how the fabric stiffened as it slowly dried. He was having a shitty day.

Sawyer heard the distinctive crunch of footsteps on the jungle floor and afraid that it was the boar coming back for the tarp, he hid behind a clump of bushes. Sawyer felt like a moron hiding from something he should be eating for dinner, but he just got his tarp back. When living on an island, having shelter from the incessant and unpredictable rain was more important than maintaining dignity.

The steps got closer, and they were close enough that he could tell it wasn't a boar. Or at least he hoped it wasn't a boar because it sounded like a damn big boar. The pace was slower, though, and the sound of two feet walking through the jungle was distinctively different than the sound of four. Someone was coming his way, and seeing how Sawyer didn't feel like explaining to anyone why he was crouched behind a bush covered in mud and holding a tarp, he wasn't going to move anytime soon.

The sight of Jack coming out from the surrounding foliage made Sawyer wonder if Jack was looking for him and get the gun back, but Jack's cursory glance behind him settled that thought in Sawyer's mind. Jack was making sure he wasn't being followed. Sawyer then thought maybe Kate had given her gun back and Jack was going to put it back with the others. Sawyer knew from experience that there was no way he could break the case open, but he also realized that just having the case was an asset since everyone knew what was in there.

He stood slowly, careful not to make too much noise, as he followed Jack, carefully staying back and near things he could hide behind. Sawyer hadn't noticed how damn big the trees were on the island until he was using them to duck behind for cover. He peeked around a wide tree trunk, frowning slightly when he saw another person. Sawyer snuck a little closer to see who it was that Jack could be meeting out here so secretly.

Sawyer's eyes narrowed in confusion, recognizing Boone almost instantly. From the distance, he couldn't make out what was being said, and Sawyer was curious. Jack couldn't be out here about the guns, the kid didn't seem to like them, so why were they out here? He crept even closer, watching the ground as he walked to not give himself away, and when he looked back up, Sawyer almost fell over. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around what he was seeing, but at the same time, it made perfect sense.

Jack and Boone were kissing. Not just any kissing, though, but full-blown tonsil hockey, complete with roaming hands. Sawyer had figured Jack was sweet on someone based on his behavior from before the whole Ethan debacle, and it had obviously not been Kate, but Sawyer just figured it was some other woman on the island. Hell, there were practically fifty survivors and Sawyer knew he couldn't name half of them. Not by their real names, anyway. Some of the other survivors whose names he didn't know he'd given nicknames as a way to reference them.

A person couldn't survive as a con man if you couldn't get a read on people, and Sawyer could see enough to tell this wasn't just a casual thing because both parties were willing and needy. Emotions such as those could only be faked to a certain extent. Sawyer was surprised to find himself a little jealous that at least someone on the island was getting some action.

That thought made him wonder how much further this was going to go. There was no way he could just leave without being noticed, and Sawyer didn't feel like sticking around to watch and see how it would play out. He figured there was a way to use this to his advantage. They seemed to what to keep things all hush-hush, and their mistrust of Sawyer gave him a great deal of leverage in the situation.

Sawyer stood, intentionally snapping a twig underneath with his foot, and chuckling as Jack and Boone jumped apart, both of their expressions resembling the old deer in the headlights cliché. "I'd heard Pretty Boy's CPR technique wasn't up to par, but private lessons?" He kept his tone teasing. "Where can I sign up?"

With the shock of being caught diminished, Jack's expression had become relatively calm. Boone, on the other hand, was giving Sawyer the familiar defying glare he'd found himself on the receiving end of when the golf course had been made a little over two weeks earlier. "What do you want, Sawyer?" Jack asked.

Sawyer shrugged slowly, grabbing the tarp out from under his arm and waving it in his hand. "Came to get this back. Looks like I stumbled across somethin' a little more interestin'."

"You're covered in mud," Boone said, voice sounding a little disdainful, but it seemed to Sawyer like he was also a little afraid. Sawyer sneered at him, not wanting to explain to them how he'd been chased after by a boar.

"You were makin' out with the doc." He noticed Boone pale slightly and understood that Boone was afraid, although if the fear was from Sawyer himself or the possibility of Sawyer telling everyone else, he wasn't sure. "Now look," Sawyer started, laying down the lines, "I ain't gonna tell nobody, because it's none of their damn business, but for that I'm gonna expect some favors in return."

Jack nodded, almost as if he'd been expecting it. "What do you want?"

"Well for one, I'm keepin' the gun for a little bit."

"Why?"

"Now that's none of your damn business. I'm not gonna go killin' anybody so don't worry about that. Second, no one else is to go through or ask for my stuff. I got tortured over somethin' I didn't even have and don't feel like goin' through that again."

He watched Boone lean into Jack, one hand intertwining with the other, and Sawyer felt the pang of jealousy again. He had been alone before the crash, but he'd been running enough cons to be able to pretend he wasn't. On the island, he was just alone. "That all?" Jack's eyebrows were raised, and Sawyer really wanted to get back to the beach.

"Yeah...for now. I'll let ya know if I come up with somethin' more." He turned and started to walk back to the beach, leaving Jack and Boone there in the jungle. This was what he and Kate had in common, Sawyer knew. Neither of them let people get close, and they suffered for it.


	23. School

Title: In Admiration - Part 23

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #81 School

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

As Jack watched Sawyer leave, feeling Boone standing just behind him, holding onto Jack's hand, Boone's face pressed against his shoulder. Jack could feel Boone's breath against his skin, raising the tiny hairs on the back of his neck. His breaths were ragged, irregular, and Jack wondered if he was worried about Sawyer. Jack didn't know about the reasoning behind Boone's desire to keep their relationship private, but he was certain their encounter with Sawyer didn't help.

"He's not going to tell anyone," Jack said, trying to sound as certain as he could. He knew Sawyer wouldn't; the other man seem to know that he had more power with being able to threaten to tell than anything he might gain from opening his mouth.

Jack felt Boone's jaw tense on his shoulder. "He won't tell anyone now. Once the novelty of the information wears off he'll whoever's around at the time and no matter who it is, the whole island will know within a few hours."

"Shannon knows, doesn't she? You don't seem too worried about her telling anyone." Jack felt Boone move away from him suddenly and realized that might not have been the best angle he could've taken.

"She wouldn't do that." Jack turned to see a scowl fixed on Boone's face.

Jack sighed. "Boone, I don't want this to be a problem. If we just tell people then we won't need to worry about Sawyer." Boone remained stubbornly silent. "I just don't understand what you're afraid of," Jack said, voice soft.

"People don't always respond well to this sort of thing," Boone replied, tone matching Jack's. He watched Boone chew absent-mindedly on his bottom lip, a sign Jack learned to attribute to when Boone was mulling something over. "Shit happens and people can get hurt."

Jack thought back to when he was in high school, remembering the look on his father's face when he so disdainfully spat out the words "faggot" and "queer," and Jack spending half a lifetime pretending to be someone he wasn't just so he wouldn't have to see Christian like that again. He understood Boone's fear, but he also knew how draining it was to lie, and that he wanted Boone, not caring who knew and if they accepted.

"They'll have to respond well. Alienating the only doctor on an uncharted island wouldn't be in a person's best interest." Boone scoffed at that, and Jack guessed it was better than nothing. "I don't know where you're coming from, Boone, so I don't know what to say to you that'll help."

He watched as Boone slumped to the ground, leaning against a tree. He took a bottle from his bag, drinking slowly, stalling for a few moments as Jack moved to sit besides him on the ground. "Freshman year of college, I went to this party. I think it was the weekend after midterms because I normally wasn't into that shit but I needed to unwind and there was free beer." Jack watched Boone run his fingers through his hair, exhaling deeply. "I met this guy...Cole... I wasn't interested, and after some time he stopped trying. I saw him leave with this other guy maybe an hour later, and the next morning he was found dead in his room in Carman by his roommate, on the floor, face in a pool of his own blood. The report was that the floor was wet; he slipped, fell on his face, and broke his nose. It said that he landed so when his nose broke, pieces of bone went into his brain and killed him."

Jack recognized the same sad, frustrated expression on Boone's face as when he'd told Jack about Shannon's asthma. "It wasn't long before word got around campus that it wasn't really an accident. The guy Cole left with, his dad was this big shot New York lawyer, so he got off clean, even though people heard him bragging about it after the hearing." Boone stood suddenly, expression becoming exasperated. "You think being a doctor will protect you? People aren't rational when it comes to something they believe in. Charlie thought killing Ethan was the right thing. How long until Sawyer tells someone?"

Leaning back into the tree, Jack thought back to that night in the jungle almost a week ago, when Boone asked him what they were getting into. He'd asked if they were going to keep their relationship a secret or not, seemingly for Jack's benefit, but now he wondered if it had really been for Boone's. He certainly was scared, and Jack wasn't going to call him on it; he, after all, wasn't any better.

"If we say something, it'll be on our own terms," Jack said slowly, trying to calm Boone. "Then Sawyer won't matter."

Boone's expression was sad. "It's not that easy."

"Yes, it is." Jack looked down at his hands. "Unless you aren't happy..."

Jack didn't get to finish his thought as he felt the back of his head slam into the tree, seeing lights on the back of his eyelids before he was aware of Boone kissing him, mouth setting out to silence any doubts Jack was having about their relationship. The play of Boone's tongue along his bottom lip urged his mouth open further, and Jack relished in the way Boone tasted, his breath hot and welcoming.

"It's not like that," Boone said when he broke the kiss. "I am happy. Just...worried."

"At least think about it." Jack leaned forward to capture Boone's mouth in another kiss, appreciating the contented moan that he drew out of the other man's mouth. Jack wrapped his arms around Boone, pulling him as close as he could, feeling Boone's fingers gripping into his thighs. Jack felt Boone gasp into his mouth.

"Sorry." Boone stood, gathering his bag, and Jack frowned at his sudden departure. "It's gotta be nearing noon, and I'm supposed to meet John."

Jack stood, understanding that they had to get back to their responsibilities on the island. He could only imagine how many people were going to bother him about scrapes and rashes today. "Didn't he say the boar left the area?"

"He said something about...maybe there being other prey species."

"Okay," Jack said, kissing Boone briefly as he shouldered his pack. "I'll see you later."

Boone nodded, smiling back at him before setting off in the direction of the caves, leaving Jack to wonder about the expression of relief that had flashed through his eyes when Jack didn't press him further about hunting. He figured it was nothing, but that didn't keep Jack from thinking about it.


	24. Choices

Title: In Admiration - Part 24

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #24 Choices

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone could think of at least six different things he would rather be doing than staring at the hatch, watching Locke get up randomly to pace around it before sitting back down. Most of those things he was thinking of involved Jack. Boone felt bad bringing up the incident with Cole to Jack, but he needed to know where he was coming from. He didn't tell Jack about his guilt - about how he thought maybe if he'd paid Cole a little more attention, he wouldn't have died, but Boone knew Jack would've told him there was nothing he could've done about it, and Boone still would've felt guilty, so there was no point.

He really did care about Jack, which scared Boone a little. He wasn't an expert on emotions, certainly not his own, but he knew he wanted more with Jack. Boone had been more physically involved with men and women before Jack, but here he found himself wanting to be emotionally invested, and that was what scared him. No wonder he was so messed up over his feelings for Shannon, Boone thought. She knew him better than anyone, so when she told Boone that he was in love with her, he couldn't help but believe it.

Everything else aside, Boone was more worried about the other survivors. They'd been on the island for a month now, and he didn't trust any of them. Well, besides Shannon and Jack... And John, he mentally amended, watching Locke sitting cross-legged on the jungle ground, staring intently at the hatch. They'd been coming out to the damn thing for about a week now, and nothing was happening. They'd cleared the top of it and started working on digging at the edges to see how far it went down, but as far as attempts to open the hatch went, there were none.

Boone returned to thinking about Jack, the warm weight of his body when pressed against Boone's, how he smelled like a combination of musk and campfire. Jack was so sweet and caring and yet at the same time so passionate, which left Boone at odds with himself when wondering what sex with Jack was like. Boone failed to suppress the shudder that overcame him at the thought of Jack's hands, skilled and capable from being a surgeon, all over his body. He couldn't help but wonder if being a spinal surgeon gave Jack knowledge of all sorts of sensitive nerve endings that were unknown to most people.

He needed to stop thinking about sex, Boone realized. In his defense, he wasn't thinking directly about sex, but he needed to stop thinking about Jack in a sexual context before he found himself needing some alone-time in the jungle. He was twenty-two, though, what the hell else was Boone supposed to think about? Jack's complete lack of pressure was surprisingly new, but it was also getting frustrating. Saying anything would just be hypocritical, though, since Boone understood that while he had more primal urges that needed tending to, he was also keeping something from Jack - the possibility of a completely open relationship by letting the others know.

"Maybe there's another door or something," Boone said to Locke, wanting to be up and doing something. Moving about was better than sitting here staring at a hatch. Maybe then they'd run across some boar tracks to bring back meat, and everyone would stop acting suspicious about their efforts.

"This is the only way in," John said, sounding so absolutely sincere that Boone wondered for a moment why he bothered thinking there might be another entrance.

"It just seems dumb to only have one entrance that can't be opened from the outside. We could get people to help us look-"

"No," Locke interrupted, expression stern, like it had been when he told Boone not to tell Shannon. "The others will only hinder our progress."

"I wouldn't call this progress," Boone muttered more to himself but keeping his voice loud enough for John to hear. Locke got up, climbing down alongside the hatch and starting to dig his way deeper along its side with a shovel that he'd made. Boone couldn't say John lacked determination. He admittedly wanted to be useful, but Boone had no idea how this hatch would help them. It reminded Boone of a bomb shelter.

"First you wanted to tell Shannon," Locke said, digging, and making eye contact with Boone at the same time. "Now you want to tell who? Jack?" Boone felt a flicker of panic, wondering if John knew, if Sawyer had already spilled to everyone, as Locke slowly dragged his gaze away from Boone's and back to the loose earth in front of him. "This is an exercise in faith, Boone. Jack doesn't have any."

"Jack has faith," Boone found himself saying quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Not in destiny, he doesn't. Not in the island."

"He has faith in people." Boone looked up from the toes of his shoes to see that Locke had stopped digging and was staring at him like he was trying to see into Boone's soul.

John stuck the spade of the shovel into the ground, leaning his weight into the handle. "You have to make a choice, Boone."

Boone's eyebrows drew together, worried. "You aren't going to tie me up and leave me hallucinating in the jungle, are you?"

"No," Locke chuckled, eyes mirthful, which unnerved Boone a little. He hadn't thought that was funny at all. "But you have to realize that telling Jack, Sayid, any of them, could undo everything we've done." Boone looked at the hatch, buried in dirt and unopened, wondering what exactly it was they had done. All Boone thought he'd gotten out of their daily trips was fairly adept at telling direction and knowing about what time it was based on the sun. "Don't tell Jack."

"You just said I had a choice."

Locke smiled, going back to unearthing more of the hatch, and Boone found himself wishing he was sitting on the beach being useless instead. That way he at least wouldn't have to lie to Jack about what he did out here with Locke everyday.


	25. Beginnings

Title: In Admiration - Part 25

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #1 Beginnings

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Jack was returning to the caves after delivering some more water to the beach camp when he saw Hurley hurrying over to him. "Dude, you're back. Scott was looking for you."

Putting his bag down, Jack shook his head, laughing a little. "I hope he wasn't." At Hurley's confused look, Jack clarified, "Scott's dead. Ethan killed him, remember?"

"Oh...right... So, uh, Steve's looking for you, then, not Zombie-Scott."

It seemed so much darker at the caves this late in this late in the day. Back at the beach it was still fairly light because the sun was on that side, but in the caves the tree cover was so dense that it was almost as dark as night, so night was fast approaching. Jack clapped a hand on Hurley's shoulder. "Have you seen Boone?"

"Yeah... He went out in the jungle with Locke."

Jack sighed, worried. They had no reason to be out there if they weren't hunting. "What did Steve need?" He asked, rummaging through his area of the caves for his own water bottle.

"He got bit by a snake. Didn't know if it was poisonous or not."

Jack looked up at Hurley, eyebrows drawn together. "Is he dead?"

"No."

"Then it wasn't poisonous." Jack found a new shirt, eager to get out of the sweat-soaked one he was currently wearing. He missed life when fresh socks were taken for granted. "I'm going to go clean up a bit."

Hurley snorted. "Good luck." He left, leaving Jack standing by himself just inside his cave. He put the shirt away, heading off in the jungle in the direction he'd so often seen Boone and John take off in, doubting he'd find them, but Jack didn't like sitting around and waiting.

He hadn't been walking for more than five minutes when he ran into Boone heading back towards the caves. He looked surprised to see Jack but quickly covered his surprise with a grin. "You looking for me?"

"Yes," Jack didn't bother lying. "It's getting late."

"I was with John."

"That's what worries me." They approached each other until they stood a foot apart, facing one another.

Boone leaned forward so when he spoke his lips ghosted over Jack's. "I didn't know I had a curfew."

"You don't, but you and Locke go into the jungle all day." Jack searched Boone's face, eyes meeting blue and noticing Boone quickly look to the ground. "Boone...if you aren't hunting then what are you doing out there?"

"Thinking."

"Thinking?"

Boone nodded, raising his gaze back up to meet Jack's. "I don't care if the others know."

Jack had a nagging feeling that Boone was bringing this up to not have to talk about what he does everyday with Locke, but he was willing to go with it and drop the subject for now. Boone was willing to take this step forward by being open about their relationship, and Jack wasn't going to reverse that by pushing him about John. "You sure?"

Boone smirked, bringing his right arm over Jack's shoulder to finger the hairs at the nape of Jack's neck. "You and the questions tonight. Yeah, I'm sure." Jack let Boone's hand push his head down, their lips locking in a slow kiss. Jack could feel Boone's fingers teasing along his hairline and the firm heat of his body pressed against Jack's own. His hands clung to Boone's arms, pleased at the strength he felt, one of Jack's hands tracing downwards, skimming across Boone's stomach to wrap his finger through a belt loop on Boone's jeans, pulling the younger man even closer. The sudden contact of their hips drew a startled gasp from Boone.

"Sorry," Jack mumbled, body and brain fighting between how much he wanted Boone and how much he wanted to prove to Boone that what they had was serious.

"Don't apologize, you just surprised me, and I lost my balance." Boone rested his hands flat against Jack's chest. "If you wanted to, we could-"

Jack interrupted with another kiss. "You only just decided to tell everyone else. We should take things one step at a time."

"Are you afraid of sex?" Boone asked, eyebrows raised, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

Jack gave Boone a look that he hoped wasn't too condescending. "You know that's not it."

"I know, I know. You want me to feel special." Jack got the feeling that Boone was inwardly rolling his eyes. "You're human, Jack, and on top of that you're male. I just need to bring you to a certain point where you won't be able to push away and apologize."

Jack laughed, not doubting Boone's words and his confidence in them. "Gives me something to look forward to, then." Jack placed a hand on Boone's back, gently guiding him back towards the caves. "We should get back."

Boone nodded in agreement, smiling from Jack's earlier comment. "Since everyone's gonna find out, I guess it makes us official now." Jack saw Boone's smile spread even wider, and he felt himself smiling, as well. The thought of actually being with Boone, not just the island version of dating him, was very appealing. "So how's this going to work?" he asked. "We get back to the caves and make an announcement?"

"Staple flyers to the trees, perhaps. Make banners. Send everyone cards."

"Knock down a few trees, make a billboard, and paint on it with berry juice?"

"That's an idea." Jack watched Boone pull a near-empty bottle out of his sack, offering it to Jack, who declined with a shake of his head, before finishing off the contents. "If we made it large enough, maybe someone would see it. We could put on an addendum on the bottom asking for help."

Boone sighed. "We're never getting off this island, are we?"

"I don't know."

They skirted around the perimeter of the caves, the light from the various campfires causing their shadows to dance on the trees. Jack couldn't really tell who was around, but they were at the point where it didn't matter anymore.

"I should get to the beach," Boone looked around, and Jack could tell even in the dim light that he was suddenly shy, hesitant.

"You should move to the caves. It's safer here."

Boone chuckled lightly. "You won't have sex, but you want to move in together."

Jack saw the humor in the situation, but his reasons weren't solely because of their involvement. "That's not what I meant, but that would have its advantages."

"I'll think about it," Boone replied.

Jack leaned down, kissing the corner of Boone's mouth, and Boone shifted so they were kissing each other fully on the mouth. Jack could feel the tension in Boone's body, how uncomfortable he was, and Jack hoped beyond hope that no one would have a problem and things would be easier. The sound of a wolf-whistle broke them apart, Jack noticing the pink tinge to Boone's face as he went off to the beach.

He turned towards the middle of the caves, seeing Hurley, Charlie, and Claire at the fire closest to him, Sayid and Shannon also nearby, and Sawyer smirking knowingly at a further fire. Well, Jack thought, that's one way for everyone to find out.

"So..." Hurley started awkwardly, "You guys are together?"

"Yeah, we are," Jack responded, unable to keep the challenge out of his voice.

Hurley's gaze moved between Jack and where Boone had disappeared down the path. "Well, he is hot."

Jack completely agreed.


	26. Life

Title: In Admiration - Part 26

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #23 Life

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

It had been two days since their coming out, so to speak, and Boone was finding everyone strangely accepting of it. Well, everyone he knew, anyway. There was like forty of them crashed on the island, and Boone doubted he knew half of them. All in all, life was pretty much the same as it was before, except now with having to sneak off into the jungle whenever they wanted to be together, people now had a tendency to turn their backs and pretend they were doing something else whenever he and Jack were within five feet of each other.

Some of the new advantages of everyone knowing about their relationship included sleeping privileges. Last night he had gotten back from the hatch with Locke really late, and the second Boone showed up at the caves, Jack was hovering around him. Some days he got really irritated with Jack's over-protective manner, but then he needed it.

Locke had Boone chopping down trees, hacking the branches off the larger ones to make logs. They were trying to build something, but what it was, Boone had no idea, and Locke didn't seem to eager to tell him, which made Boone wonder why Locke kept dragging him back here at all. The man sure liked his secrets. Boone got to the caves absolutely exhausted, eating half a papaya and some fish before deciding he just wanted to go to bed. Jack didn't think Boone would be able to manage the mile or so walk back to the beach, so he stayed at the caves that night.

Sleeping with Jack felt nice, like they had a sort of quiet intimacy that transcended the kind forged by sex. Not that Boone wasn't interested in sex, but he wasn't used to sleeping with someone and only be expected to sleep. Boone didn't think he could have sex in the caves anyway. They echoed too much - might as well sell tickets and put signs on trees announcing what was going on.

Boone looked up from his spot on the beach to see Shannon running over to him, a genuine smile on her face. Boone started to feel a little worried. He wasn't used to seeing her happy, especially lately, so either a rescue boat showed up somewhere or she'd done something bad.

"I've been looking for you all morning!" Her voice sounded giddy as she plopped down next to Boone in the sand. "I totally made out with Sayid last night! We're like a couple now! Isn't that great?"

Boone's thoughts were stumbling over each other so quickly his mouth had a hard time deciding what order they should go in. His first thought was wondering what Sayid might have that Shannon would find useful getting her hands on. His second was maybe Shannon really was going to change and be better. His third was disbelief that they'd only kissed, and she hadn't slept with him yet. Then Boone wondered if she had tried but Sayid had some sort of religious holdups even though he didn't know if Sayid was even the slightest bit religious.

He must have taken too long coming up with an answer because Shannon punched him on the shoulder. "Can't you just be happy for me?"

"I'd be happy if I thought your intentions were good."

"Is that why you told him about how I go after older guys for their money?" Boone swore mentally, noticing how her eyes were welling up with tears. "How come everyone can get a new life on this island except me? You don't think I can change?"

"Shannon..." Boone sighed. "I don't think I've ever seen you pull through with anything, so I can be a little doubtful."

"Wow you are just like Sabrina," Shannon snapped, her voice filled with bitterness.

Boone was being unfair. Maybe Shannon really was tired of how she ran her life before the plane crash and really did want to change. She had been nicer to him lately, not expecting him to tend to Shannon's every need and actually doing things on her own. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I've just been a little-"

"Sexually frustrated and needed to take it out on me?" Shannon interrupted, and Boone winced at her phrasing. It made him think of that night in Sydney. "You guys still haven't had sex yet?"

"You haven't slept with Sayid yet."

"We've only been together for a day!"

Boone raised an eyebrow. "And that's stopped you before?"

Shannon scowled at him, but it was more playful. She didn't seem upset anymore. Picking on Boone had to be her most beloved pastime. "You wanna make a wager?"

"On what?"

"On who gets laid first," Shannon grinned, and Boone gaped at her in disbelief. "Oh come on, you were never this much of a prude before. Jack must be rubbing off on you. Oh wait! He isn't!" She giggled at her little innuendo.

Boone found himself pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't make bets about sex, Shannon."

"Why not? Before you guys went public there was a pool going around about if Kate was going to sleep with Jack or Sawyer first." He felt his stomach drop out when Shannon mentioned Kate. Boone hadn't seen her in a while... He wondered how she took the news. "No one's told her yet," Shannon said as if she read his thoughts. "Between Hurley and Sawyer the whole island knows, but no one seems to want to tell her."

"Shouldn't someone say something? I mean...she flirts with Jack a lot. What if she tries something?"

"I think that's why they aren't telling her. I made the mistake of telling Charlie that if Kate ever tried to get in you and Jack's way I'd beat her up. I think Sawyer mentioned finding some disposable cameras in the wreckage that he'd be willing to trade for the right price."

Boone laughed. "I'll find markers or something and try to make Team Shannon T-shirts should that happen." He knew she was probably joking when she'd said that to Charlie, but it was nice hearing that Shannon was willing to watch after Boone like he had always watched after her. Maybe this really was a new life for both of them.


	27. Food

Title: In Admiration - Part 27

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #39 Food

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"I'm going to head down to the beach and see how Michael's doing with the raft," Jack was saying as he pulled on a clean shirt. Well, cleaner, he thought. Boone had spent the night again, not that Jack minded at all. The first night he had more or less forced Boone to stay, having been in no condition to walk back to the caves. Last night he just showed up and stayed, never asking, but Jack didn't question it either. He liked the way Boone looked first thing in the morning - bleary-eyed and hair all rumpled. "We could get your stuff and bring it back here."

Jack could hear Boone moving, so he turned away from where his bag leaned against the cave of the wall. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw Boone sitting up, arms extended behind him to support his upper body. "Are you asking me to move in with you? As in your cave, this time, not the caves as a whole."

"I think you've already moved in and that you might want your things here as well."

"I've stayed two nights. That hardly counts as moving in. Besides, we're on an island. There aren't any rules about this sort of thing. Who said it was your cave? Maybe now it's my cave." Boone looked amused, while made Jack smile. With the constant drama of island life, Jack was finding his good moods very short-lived, but Boone always seemed to help. "It's still kinda early - you don't need to go see Michael now."

"That's true," Jack agreed, moving so he was crouching next to Boone, "but once I step outside there'll be at least ten people waiting with a stomach ache, scrape, or bug bite of some form. I'll need to deal with that before I can head down to the beach, and it usually takes an hour."

Jack felt shivers run down his spine when Boone's fingers splayed against the base of his skull, drawing him down for a slow kiss that gave Jack second thoughts about ever leaving the cave again. Jack was having a hard time keeping his balance in his crouching position, leaning down and forward to reach Boone. He had to grasp the hand of Boone's that was still propping him up against the ground, wrapping fingers around the younger man's wrist. If he hadn't, Jack was sure he would've fallen over when Boone sucked gently on his tongue. He felt Boone's hand moving down his neck and across his shoulder, down his arm to stop at the inside of Jack's elbow, lightly drawing circles around the tattoos found there.

With a sigh, Jack regretfully pulled away, understanding that if he didn't go soon, people would get impatient and start coming in on their own accord. "I really should get out there."

"Yeah, I know," Boone said, sitting up fully and stretching his arms as Jack stood, grabbing his backpack and easing it on his shoulders. "My boyfriend's a very important person around here."

Jack grinned at that. It had been the first time the term "boyfriend" had been used by either of them, and Jack liked the sound of it. "Are you going to come or sit in here all day?"

"I have to meet John. He, uh, thinks we're onto something."

"Boar?"

"No. Something else. Something…bigger."

Jack watched as Boone averted his gaze, blue eyes stopping where his sneakers sat on the ground. Jack wondered if Boone was avoiding the conversation or really was looking for his shoes. It wasn't that he didn't trust Boone. He just didn't trust Locke. Between the fish and the fruit, they had enough food to sustain everyone fairly comfortably. Going out into the jungle hunting everyday wasn't necessary, especially since they weren't bringing anything back. People also seemed to be forgetting about the polar bears and whatever the hell it was that had killed the pilot back when they'd first crashed.

"Stop it, Jack."

"Stop what?"

"Stop thinking about a way to talk me out of going." Boone's attention was still on his sneakers as he laced them up. "I need to do this."

"I don't trust Locke," Jack said honestly, hoping that the sincerity from him would draw some out of Boone. He needed to understand that their hunting wasn't needed even if John found it important.

Boone stood, combing his fingers through his hair in a gesture that Jack recognized as aggravation. "And he doesn't trust you. It gives me something to do, though, Jack. I don't like feeling useless, and I'm completely out of my element on this island."

Jack could see that Boone was silently pleading with him to drop the subject, which he did reluctantly. He could confront Locke about it later. Boone could make his own decisions, but John's faith in the island being part of something bigger than it appeared made Jack weary. "Just...be careful. We don't know what else could be out there."

"Hopefully a beach resort with gourmet dinners and a fully-stocked bar." Boone gathered his own bag, going over to where Jack stood inside the mouth of the cave, leaning up to give Jack a quick kiss before leaving. "I'll see you later." Jack watched Boone head in the opposite direction of the beach, and he was tempted to follow for a moment but realized he had responsibilities here he had to deal with.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the onslaught of people that were sure to approach when he stepped outside the cave. Jack was surprised when no one approached, so he filled some bottles to bring to the beach, and headed off to see the new raft Michael was working on.


	28. Children

Title: In Admiration - Part 28

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #18 Children

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"Have you seen Jack?"

Shannon looked up from the magazine she was reading on the beach, squinting into the sunlight at Kate standing in front of her. She went back to the magazine, wishing she hadn't left her sunglasses back at the caves. It also gave Shannon a good reason to not have to look at Kate. She didn't like the way the other woman treated her at all. And Shannon definitely didn't like how Kate liked to bounce between fawning over Jack and fawning over Sawyer.

"He's probably with my brother," she lied, knowing full well that Jack, Sayid, and Charlie had gone after Hurley who was apparently on a mission to find Rousseau. This route of conversation seemed like it would be much more entertaining, though.

"Well they can't be out hunting because I just saw John with Claire."

Shannon remained silent, flipping over to the next page in the magazine. She'd read it about a hundred times since the crash, but it felt like her sole remaining tie to the outside world. She missed the days when sitting on the beach reading Cosmo meant she was looking out at the ocean at cute surfers instead of hoping for rescue. Shannon crinkled her nose. "You're still here."

Kate brushed a strand of hair behind an ear before crossing her arms across her stomach. "You seem to be the only one who knows where they'd be."

"Not really," Shannon sighed.

"What does that mean?"

"It's more like you're the only one who doesn't know."

Kate let out an agitated sound that made Shannon smile inwardly. "Do you know where they are or don't you?"

"I don't know precisely where they are, but I'd imagine somewhere relatively private where you wouldn't be able to find them should you decide you needed to go latch onto Jack for a while."

Shannon watched Kate shake her head slowly in disbelief. "I don't have time to play these childish question games with you. I feel really sorry for you and your overwhelming need to be completely useless."

This caused Shannon to scoff. "Believe me, I don't need your pity. You're the one that kisses everyone's ass around here, and yet I still manage to know more about what goes on around here. You really haven't noticed that no one wants to talk about Jack with you? How people find better things to be doing when you show up? And people think I'm naive." Shannon took a calming breath before saying what needed to be said. "Jack and Boone are together."

Kate was completely unfazed by what Shannon had just told her. "You said as much five minutes ago."

"I said Jack was probably with Boone. Now I'm saying they're together. You know...TO-GE-THER," Shannon said it slowly, hoping the concept would dawn on Kate. Judging from the confused look that came across the other woman's face, she was slowly catching on.

"So they're...involved?"

Shannon smirked. "I think you're finally getting it. And you better not try to put any homophobic bullshit, or I might have to hurt you."

"But..."

"I don't know why you're so surprised. I mean, let's face it, Boone's really pretty, and Jack has that whole sensitive but ruggedly good-looking thing going for him. Boone has a hell of a lot of problems, and Jack likes fixing things. Jack's kind of overbearing, and Boone feeds off of attention. It's like a match made in heaven!"

Kate's eyes had that bewildered look in them that she sometimes got when she felt like she was in too deep. "But Boone's just a kid."

Shannon thought it was a little sad that the age difference was the best thing Kate could come up with. It was even sadder that she came up with it and couldn't be much older than Boone himself. Shannon just watched the emotions flickering across Kate's face, and it was almost like Shannon had told Kate that she was dying. Right in front of Shannon's eyes, Kate flickered through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally settled on acceptance.

Shannon cleared her throat, folding the magazine in half and holding the open page up for Kate to see. "Do you like these shoes better in pink or white?"


	29. Humor

Title: In Admiration - Part 29

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #51 Humor

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Boone had returned to the caves a little earlier than usual, once again pretending he didn't see the looks he got from some of the others, and that he couldn't hear their whispers, amplified by the rocky walls. The ones pointing out that he was Jack's boyfriend didn't bother him so much as the ones that were pointing out that he'd returned without any fresh meat - again. He'd heard from a few people that Jack had headed out to the beach several hours ago and hadn't gotten back yet. Boone wasn't feeling up to idly sitting around and waiting for something to happen. He did that enough in the day when he went to the hatch with Locke.

Boone decided to head out to the beach. The caves made him feel closed in, and it had been a few days since he saw the ocean, and he missed it. Looking at the Pacific Ocean was the closest thing on the island that felt like home to Boone; being from Malibu had made it a permanent fixture in his everyday life.

He spotted Shannon at her usual spot on the beach, glancing through the same magazine that she's been reading everyday since the crash. Looking at its bent edges and cover faded from the sun, Boone made a mental note to go through the unclaimed suitcases back at the caves to see if he could find something that might interest Shannon.

"Hurley went off looking for the French chick, so he's with Sayid and Charlie trying to find Hurley. You might want to avoid Kate for a little while; I think she's confused and seeing you might make things worse."

It took Boone a second to work out what Shannon had said. He didn't realize she knew he was there and hadn't expected her to say anything. "What about Kate?"

Shannon lowered her sunglasses, gazing over the tops of the dark lenses and patting the sand beside her for Boone to sit down. Once he did, Shannon gave a rather gleeful smile. "It's quite a funny story." Shannon rotated so instead of sitting next to Boone, she was facing him. "She apparently didn't know about you and Jack. And, well...now she does." She proceeded to explain how Kate had gone to Shannon asking if she knew where Jack was, and instead of saying where he actually went, she told Kate in her own Shannon-way about Jack and Boone.

At first Boone was slightly appalled by Shannon's complete lack of tact - only slightly so because, from Shannon, it wasn't surprising. His dismay faded as the retelling of the event continued, seeing Shannon's impersonation of Kate's reaction. Boone was having a hard time deciding what ended up being more amusing - Kate's attempts to convince herself otherwise or the way Shannon dealt with the situation.

"I almost feel bad for her," Shannon was saying as she wrapped up the story. Boone might have believed her if she weren't wearing such a smug grin. "I mean, she tries so hard to stay involved with everything that's going on, but she didn't know about this. Kate's probably embarrassed more than anything. She thinks she's friends with everyone here, but no one wanted to tell her about Jack and you."

Boone's eyebrows furrowed together. "You feel bad for her?"

"I said almost, dummy. Learn to listen."

"It kind of sounds like you do, though. Are you feeling all right? You might have a fever if you're feeling bad for people."

"If I feel bad it's because of how she reacted, and I can't believe someone could be so pathetic. You're the sympathetic one, not me."

"I don't know how I could've forgotten that. I'll write it down so I don't forget - you're the mean one, and I'm the nice one."

Shannon pushed her sunglasses back up her nose, stretching out to lie on her stomach and face the ocean. "Are you going to move to the caves now?"

"Why?"

Shannon offered a shrug in response. "Everyone knows you guys are together now. You've slept with him a few times already - if that includes sex or not, please spare me the details. If you wanted to, though, now you could."

"Jack's told me I could if I wanted to, but I like the beach. The caves feel...closed in. And there are mosquitoes."

"At least you can see the mosquitoes and kill them. The sand fleas are the worst sometimes..."

Boone ran a hand through his hair, keeping the lengthening strands away from his face. He was trying to get a read on Shannon's motives, and it was difficult when the breeze kept his hair in front of his eyes. "Do you think I should move?"

"I think you should do whatever you want, and even though I know I could easily convince you either way, I'm not going to say anything."

"You're so much help."

"I love you, too."

It wasn't that Boone didn't want to live in the caves with Jack. He had very much enjoyed the couple of nights he did stay there. His bigger problem was the he did not want to look like he was latching on. He had asked to go hunting with John to try and be helpful, earn some respect from people on the island, but John had turned him down back in those first days after the crash. Boone had been allowed to accompany them when they went looking for Charlie and Claire, but even then he hadn't felt like he actually accomplished anything. They found the hatch, sure, but no one else knew about it, so it didn't matter to anyone besides John.

Boone hoped the hatch turned out to be as helpful as all the trouble that had been put into it. He wanted to be in an equal relationship with Jack, and that was difficult when everyone looked to Jack for help and guidance while ignoring Boone.


	30. Sunset

Title: In Admiration - Part 30

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #32 Sunset

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

It was dark when Jack finally returned to the caves. He watched Sayid give Michael the battery Hurley had obtained before heading back, completely exhausted. Jack hoped the caves would be quiet and no one would be looking for him. He also hoped that people wouldn't ask too many questions about where the battery came from; the battery would lead to questions that Jack definitely didn't have the answers to.

The caves were fairly empty, some people who Jack couldn't remember the names of were milling around a campfire, eating slices of fruit, and so everyone else was either at the beach or elsewhere. Jack did recognize one lone figure, however, lying on his side in the section of the caves with the rocky floor, body curled slightly in sleep. Watching Boone sleep, Jack couldn't help but smile. He found himself reminded of early in his marriage when Sarah would fall asleep on the sofa waiting for him to get back from the hospital. Jack often wondered if there were any rules he needed to adhere to with his relationship with Boone - he didn't like keeping his being divorced a secret from Boone, but Jack wasn't sure what the right timing was to bring that sort of thing up.

Jack put his hand on Boone's arm, feeling the other man subconsciously lean into the heat of his touch. Jack rubbed his hand up Boone's arm, trying to wake him without startling Boone out of sleep. "Hey," he said after opening his eyes, propping his head up on an elbow. "I thought you'd be back by sunset."

"Probably would've, but Hurley stepped into a trap, Charlie broke a bridge, I tripped a wire that blew up Rousseau's shelter... Typical island day, I think," Jack's last word morphed into a yawn, and he caught a stern look from Boone out of the corner of his eye. "What?"

"I think you need to go to bed," Boone replied, sitting up. Jack felt like he was being scrutinized. "You look really tired."

"Says he who was sleeping on the caves' ground just a few minutes ago." Jack helped Boone up and they guided each other over to Jack's cave. "You better plan on staying. I don't think you could make it back to the beach right now."

"I'll stay tonight," was Boone's response, which drew a smile from Jack.

"Good."

He leaned down, capturing Boone's mouth with his own, enjoying the slow pace at which mouths explored each other as hands splayed over limbs and muscles. Jack had no idea what exactly Boone did in the jungle with Locke all day, but it was making his body stronger, which Jack fully appreciated. He eased Boone downwards and onto the salvaged plane cushions, Jack's body half covering Boone's until the other man used some leverage to roll them over, breaking the kiss to sit up, straddled over Jack's stomach.

Boone's expression was feral as he casually toyed with the hem of Jack's jeans between his fingers. "When was the last time you slept through the night?"

Jack was having a hard time figuring out the rationale behind the question as Boone's fingers teased their way up his sides then over and down his stomach. He felt like his body was fighting over its two most pressing needs - the release of sleep versus release of other forms. "I don't know...probably back in LA."

Boone leaned forward, reinitiating the kiss, but this time it was hungrier, the pace more heightened, and Jack felt before he heard the low moan released by Boone as their hips met. Boone's body was fully on top of Jack's as their tongues intertwined. Jack's hands moved up inside Boone's shirt, and Boone helped him remove the article. Jack pulled off his own shirt, delighting in the feel of Boone's weight shifting above him as Jack tossed the shirt aside.

"I can help you get a really good night's sleep." Boone's voice was low, and it was Jack's turn to moan as the other man started to alternately suck and nip at the junction of his throat. "Pass right out," Boone said, and Jack could feel him smiling against his neck.

"What about you?" Jack gasped out as one of Boone's hands started to undo the button of Jack's pants.

Boone sat back up on Jack's stomach, and Jack found himself marveling at how beautiful Boone looked. "I think you are way too tired to attempt any sort of reciprocation after." This kiss was slower, gentle, and teasing. "All you need to do is lie there and enjoy. There'll be plenty of time later for more." Jack heard the metallic sound of the metal zipper being lowered, and he smiled at Boone, who grinned seductively back. "Need to try and be quiet, though. The cave acoustics...we don't need to let everyone know what's going on."

Jack giggled at that, and he hoped he didn't sound nervous. He had no problem at all with the sex, but Boone reminding him that they were in a cave and that people were sitting in the vicinity made him feel a little apprehensive. The tension quickly disappeared when Jack felt Boone's hand wrap around him, releasing an appreciative grunt as Boone started out slow but gradually sped up.

In an attempt to suppress any noises he might be tempted to make, Jack moved one of his hands to behind Boone's neck, moving the younger man so they could kiss. Jack put his best effort into transmitting everything he was feeling from the hand job into the kiss. As the intensity built, the tantalizing movements of tongues dissipated into breathing heavily into each other's mouths, punctuated every now and then with a nibble on a lower lip. Between the ministrations from Boone's hand and the spontaneous jerking of Boone's hips into Jack's stomach with his utter exhaustion on top of everything, it wasn't long before Jack came with a long, suppressed groan.

"Holy shit," Jack said when he finally found his voice. He was struggling to keep his eyes open to make sure Boone was okay.

Boone gave Jack a rather goofy grin in response, looking much like the cat that got the canary. "Sweet dreams, Jack," he said, and Jack let himself finally give in to sleep.


	31. Touch

Title: In Admiration - Part 31

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #28 Touch

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

When Boone woke up the next morning, he didn't feel surprised that Jack wasn't there, but he was still a little disappointed. He hoped Jack had woken up on his own instead of being woken by something or someone - Jack did enough for them and sometimes it seemed like Boone was the only one that recognized it. Boone sat up, smiling when he saw the large banana leaf sitting near his and Jack's bags. It was wrapped like a burrito and inside was several pieces of sliced fruit, mostly mango and papaya. Boone got dressed as he ate, finding that his clothes had ended up in a neat, folded pile in the back of the cave.

He spotted Jack sitting with Claire on the plane chair that had become a cot near all the medical supplies. Her hands were on her pregnant belly, and she looked worried, but from where Boone watched, leaning against the mouth of the cave, whatever Jack was telling her was putting her mind at ease. Claire carefully eased herself off the cot, thanked Jack with a small smile, and started off in the direction of the beach.

"It's nearly noon - I thought you were never going to wake up."

"Oops." Boone gave a sheepish smile. "And I was just about to nag you for leaving."

Jack wiped his hands on the legs of his jeans. "I brought you breakfast and fended off Locke. That should count for something."

"You fended off Locke?" Boone didn't know whether he was supposed to feel amused or panicked. John didn't think too highly of irresponsibility, and Boone wasn't looking forward to the lecture he was probably going to receive, but on the plus side, it meant he could stay at camp all day with Jack.

"I told him you weren't feeling well. He gave me this look like he knew I was lying and said that he hoped you felt better soon." Jack got up off the cot and walked over to the mouth of the cave, mimicking Boone's posture as he leaned against the wall to face the other man. "So what would you want to do today?"

Boone's eyes locked with Jack's as he brought his arms up behind Jack's neck, tracing patterns there with the pads of his thumbs. Boone wanted Jack to kiss him, but with so many people around in the light of day, he wasn't comfortable with such a public display of affection, even if they did all know. Jack bowed his head down until it was right next to Boone's ear, and Boone could feel Jack's breath tickling the nape of his neck. "I want to touch you," he said, causing Boone to smile as a shiver ran down his spine. He felt Jack press a firm kiss to his temple before feeling him move away.

"I know where we can go," Jack said, looking as if the idea had just dawned on him. Boone didn't ask when Jack's hand grabbed his wrist, following wordlessly into the jungle. He didn't recognize the parts of the island they were walking through, but that didn't surprise Boone. For the last nearly twenty days, he went between the beach, the caves, and the hatch, without any further exploration of the island. For all Boone knew, there was a Sheraton resort on the other side of the island with a full-service bar and miles of buffet tables.

"How do you know no one's going to need you?" Boone asked, feeling suddenly selfish that he was hogging Jack for himself. If anyone got hurt or sick and needed Jack, he wouldn't be around, and then what would happen?

"I don't." Jack stopped walking, which Boone hadn't expected, tripping into Jack who had turned around to look at him. "Aren't you always telling me I need to relax more?"

"I'm just worried."

Jack put his hands on Boone's shoulders, massaging them gently. "Well don't be. I think I worry enough for the both of us."

This time they did kiss, Jack's arms wrapping themselves around Boone's body as he melted into the embrace. He felt stupid for saying anything, like he might have ruined the afternoon for opening his mouth, but Jack didn't seem upset. He seemed better, if anything, less tense, and a little less like the weight of the world was resting upon his shoulders.

"Come on," Jack said when their mouths broke apart. "We're almost there."

Boone heard the water before he saw it. They stepped out of the tree cover, revealing a calm river running through stepped ground, so every fifty feet or so the water dropped in a small waterfall. Further in the distance the river got shallower, revealing a rocky bottom, that dropped into a much larger waterfall, from the roaring sound Boone could hear.

"How'd you find this place?"

"Kate told me about it."

Boone arched an eyebrow, not believing Kate would be talking to Jack already after what Shannon had told him. "Really?"

"Well...a while ago. She and Sawyer were here; this is where they found the Halliburton." Jack was pulling off his shoes and socks as he spoke. "They were actually in the pool at the end of the big waterfall, but there are bodies from the crash down there."

"Isn't swimming with bodies a little gross?" Boone wasn't sure if he was up to swimming at all. The last time he did was when that woman had drowned and Jack had helped him instead of her. The water in this section of the river was fairly still, though, but he couldn't tell how deep it was.

"They're downstream so the water will be fine." Jack paused with his shirt halfway off. "We don't have to if you really don't want to. I just thought you might like it here."

"I do - it's great," Boone said quickly to alleviate Jack's doubt. "Besides, keep taking your clothes off and you won't find me saying no."

Jack laughed at that, studying Boone's own state of dress. "As long as you plan on joining me." Jack shed himself of the rest of his clothes and jumped in the water, treading in place to watch Boone. They were probably fifteen feet apart, but Boone could still feel the heat from his gaze.

Boone undressed hurriedly. He was already aroused and knew Jack was too, so Boone wasn't in the mood to tease. He entered the water, enjoying the coolness of it and the way the current rushed and swirled around his body. At its deepest part, Boone could stand and the water level was just at his mouth. The bottom was rocky, but the stones were smooth from the constant wear of the water. Boone let Jack pull them together, hands gripping Jack's waist as their mouths crashed together. Boone could feel Jack's erection pressed against his thigh, and Boone knew Jack could feel that he was just as turned on.

A moan escaped Boone's lips as Jack moved from kissing his mouth to down his neck and at the juncture of Boone's shoulder. He wrapped his legs around Jack's waist, giving a little thrust with his hips that drew a deep groan from Jack's mouth that Boone could feel against his skin. Between the water and Jack, Boone felt like he was being touched everywhere. The sensations were almost overwhelming, and when Jack took Boone in his hand, he felt like he was forever lost.


	32. Halloween

Title: In Admiration - Part 32

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #59 Halloween

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"Huh."

It was getting dark and they were in the caves, Jack counting out the remaining antibiotics as Boone dug through the contents of his bag. Jack looked up to see that Boone was holding a billfold, a slight frown on his face. "I guess now's as good a time as any to balance your checkbook."

Jack heard Boone snicker before looking up and giving him a smirk. "I was trying to figure out what day it was. It's almost Halloween." Nodding slowly, Jack thought about it, trying to figure out if he could believe that they'd been on the island for over a month. So much had happened between the crash and now that he thought it should've been longer. "It's kinda weird," Boone continued, "to think that the rest of the world is going on without us."

"I wonder who won the World Series," Jack said absent-mindedly, sliding the tablets of penicillin back into its bottle.

"You watch baseball?"

"When I had time."

"Adam took me and Shannon to a Dodgers game once. She hated it. I think that was the last year Mike Piazza played for the Dodgers."

"My father never took me to a ballgame."

"Neither did mine."

Jack felt confused. "I thought you just said..."

"Adam was Shannon's dad," Boone said with a sigh. "Although I think he was more of a parent to me than Sabrina ever was."

"Do you think they're worried about Shannon and you?" That was a question that Jack let himself think about every now and then - if his mother thought he was still alive or not. Jack figured she didn't. As sad as it was, she was probably using the fact that the plane was missing as an excuse to be melodramatic, seeking sympathy from her friends about losing her husband and son in the same week.

"Sabrina?" Boone chuckled. "I doubt it. Maybe if she could schedule it in, but otherwise, no. She wasn't too upset when Adam died."

"How did he die?" Jack asked, pulling out the amoxicillin to inventory next.

"Car accident. Something happened to the other car that caused it to jump the divider and ended up hitting Adam head-on. He stopped breathing when the EMTs showed up and died at the hospital."

Jack felt his mouth getting dryer as Boone recounted what happened. The story was all too familiar, and he had a hard time believing the coincidence. "What hospital did they take him to?"

"Saint Sebastian's. They wouldn't tell my mother what happened to the other driver."

He remembered then. Sarah had asked him the name of the man in the SUV, the man she ended up killing, and Adam Rutherford was a name she never forgot. As much as Sarah had found a new meaning to life after surviving the accident and being able to walk again, she never got over the guilt of killing someone, even if she couldn't have possibly controlled what happened. "She blew out a tire - that's what caused her car to flip over the divider."

Jack looked up to look at Boone. His gaze was that of stunned disbelief, and Jack couldn't believe it, either, but Boone didn't know the whole story yet. "Her name was Sarah. The accident broke her back, and the diagnosis was that she would be paralyzed and wouldn't be able to walk again. Her fiance left her because of it." Jack could feel his eyes start to water, so he closed his eyes and looked away from Boone. He could still feel the younger man's gaze focused on him.

"How... How do you know those things?"

"I was the one who fixed her." Jack swallowed the lump in his throat and then took a calming breath before continuing. "And then I married her."

Jack looked back at Boone to see myriad emotions in his eyes, struggling to find the right words to start with. "Wait a second..." He also took a deep breath, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "You're married?"

"Was. We've been separated for a while now."

"So why'd you get divorced?"

"I think we both turned out to not be what the other was looking for."

"Then how come you married her?"

"That's the million dollar question," Jack replied, forcing a laugh, which earned him a small smile from Boone. Jack was just glad he wasn't completely freaking out by the situation. Jack wasn't sure he could take it as well had the situation been reversed. "I thought it was the thing to do at the time."

"Because you saved her life?"

"Something like that."

Boone shifted the way he was sitting, moving his bag out of his lap so he could lean against it. "So do you marry every patient whose life you've saved?"

Jack giggled a little at the idea. "If I worked like that, I'd be married to half the island by now."

"And that list would include Sawyer," Boone said, scrunching up his face a little. "I should probably tell you that I don't share well."

"I don't think you need to worry about it." Despite Boone's lightheartedness about the situation, Jack still couldn't get rid of the surreal feeling he had, like he was in a dream and nothing going on was real, but he couldn't pull himself out of it.

"Did you have the tattoos before or after you got married?"

"After," Jack replied, not sure what that information meant to Boone.

"Was she hot?"

"Yeah," Jack sighed, "she was." A slow smile spread across his face as Jack had a thought. "Not as hot as you, though."

Even in the darkness Jack could see the blush form across Boone's features.


	33. Not Enough

Title: In Admiration - Part 33

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #34 Not Enough

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Another day back at the hatch, and Boone is watching Locke crouched down and clearing the dirt from the window. That's pretty much all they've been doing these passed few weeks - clearing away the dirt, making the ladder that goes down the level of the hatch that's been unearthed, and then John's latest idea, the trebuchet.

"You want my opinion?" Boone asked, not really caring whether Locke wanted to hear it or not. "There's no way to open this hatch."

As Locke stood, Boone noticed his eyes never left the window, like all the answers were written on the glass. "Boone, you gotta have some faith. All we've gotta do is break the glass and then we're in. The trebuchet delivers half a ton of force."

Boone wasn't quite sure what a trebuchet would be used for normally or why Locke would know of them and how to build them. He had thought trebuchet was the name of a font couples would sometimes order for their wedding invitations and place cards. "Why do they call it a trebuchet? It looks like a catapult." The thing was huge - at least twice Boone's height and made of bamboo.

"It's called a trebuchet, Boone, because it's a trebuchet."

They pushed on the end with the weight on the bottom, Boone holding it up as Locke used another piece of bamboo to hold it in place. The weight was a large rock that had just been at the hatch, one day, and Boone hadn't the slightest idea how John had gotten it there. "I don't get you, man. One minute you're quoting Nietzsche, now all of a sudden you're an engineer." Boone looked at it, smirking. "I don't think I can spell trebuchet."

"There's a T on the end," John said, sounding like he wasn't really paying attention. Locke had a tendency to get really focused and not realize what was going on. Boone sometimes wondered if John thought he was an idiot because he seemed to take literally all the things Boone said sarcastically.

Boone's gaze met Locke's and he really wished he knew what was going on in the man's head. "I'm serious, John we've been coming out here every day for two weeks, and you never talk about yourself. Everybody's got a story."

"My story would bore you."

Boone sighed, walking over to his bag and breaking out his water bottle. He felt like he was going to get straight answers from the hatch before getting anything out of Locke. He seemed to be the only one of them who didn't miss home or at least didn't think about what going back would be like.

"I think we can try now," John called over to him, and Boone went back to the trebuchet. It had been constructed so twisting a bamboo lever would wrap a rope tautly, pulling the end with the piece of wreckage high in the air until the slack ran out, and then hopefully the force of the sharp metal slamming into the glass window would break the hatch open.

In theory, anyway, Boone thought. They hadn't tested the trebuchet, so for all he knew, it would fall apart when they started pulling on the lever, or the rope would break before the metal got high enough in the air to do much. They started to twist the bamboo lever, starting out simply with just the two of them, but as the piece of wreckage got higher, so did the resistance, and they were straining to turn it further.

Locke counted down from three at which point he released the rope and Boone let go of the lever, sending the hooked piece of metal swinging down directly onto the window of the hatch. Boone backed off a little as the metal smashed into tiny pieces, the momentum riding through the bamboo structure of the trebuchet enough to shatter the whole thing, causing it to tilt and fall apart on itself before crashing to the ground. Boone watched in stunned silence as John went over to the window. He could see from his distance that the trebuchet was not enough force to break the glass. It hadn't even scratched the surface.

"This was supposed to work!" John said, clearly frustrated with the situation. He yelled it again, stamping his foot on the hatch as he did, which drew Boone's attention to Locke's knee.

"John!" Boone yelled, stepping onto the hatch and looking back down. "Your leg, man."

There's a piece of bamboo sticking out of the side of Locke's right leg, just below his knee. From the amount of blood staining his pants already, it must be in pretty deep, but John didn't really seem to notice or be in any pain. John reached down and pulled it out slowly, Boone feeling freaked out about the fact that he hadn't noticed the shard that was at least six inches long in his leg. Locke looked how Boone felt, it seemed, as he looked at the shard covered in blood and down to his own leg.

"You okay?" Boone asked, watching John to make sure he wasn't going to pass out or anything.

"Yeah," he replied as if it had only been a splinter. "I'm fine."

"Maybe we should go back," Boone tried, but he knew John wouldn't want to. Going back meant he'd need medical help from Jack, and then he would have to explain to Jack how he got hurt. Boone knew that Locke would just lie to him, but he also knew that Jack was already suspicious as to what they were doing out here and wouldn't believe anything Locke might tell him.

"You can go back, Boone." John was poking around on his leg at the site of the wound. "I have some supplies in my bag to clean this up with. You don't need to worry about me."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure." Locke looked up at him, smiling. "It is merely a flesh wound."


	34. Seduction

Title: In Admiration - Part 34

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #74 Seduction

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"Special delivery, Doc."

Jack looked up in time to see a backpack flying in the air towards him, reflexes kicking in to catch it before he got hit. He hefted the bag to hang off his forearm, looking up to see a smirking Sawyer. "What's in here?"

"Some medical supplies I found - figured you might need 'em."

The smirk was making Jack a little suspicious, though, so he opened the bag, quickly finding the source of Sawyer's amusement. The bag contained a few bottles of ibuprofen, most of them travel-sized, a half-empty bottle of Diazepam, a full bottle of Darvocet, and a couple bottles of KY Jelly. "The Darvocet might really come in handy," Jack said, trying his best to ignore the snicker from Sawyer as he tossed the bag so it landed next to his own.

"Right...the Darvocet. It'll be a grand ol' time. Help keep your little boy toy happy, too." Sawyer held up two water bottles. "Came here for a refill," he said, shaking them to emphasize that they were empty. Sawyer then looked to the side, smiling widening at something Jack couldn't see, and Sawyer turned back to him with a wink. "I'll see ya later, Doc." Jack walked out of the caves a little, peering in the direction Sawyer had been looking, hearing the other man say, "Evenin', Metro," before Jack saw Boone.

"What'd he want?" Boone asked, giving Jack a curious look.

Jack just shook his head in response. "He was...being Sawyer." Jack let Boone pull him further into the cave, pulling him down for a kiss. Boone tasted like the jungle air - hot, wet, and a little sweet. It was something so intoxicating that Jack knew he was addicted, and not just to the kissing, but the young man in his arms as a whole. During nights when he couldn't sleep, Jack would find himself thinking about what things would've been like if the plane hadn't crashed. He would think about how there were so many chances for him to run into Boone back in Los Angeles, knowing that if he saw Boone across a smoky bar, music pounding and lights pulsing, the other man definitely would've caught his eye, but would he have caught Boone's? His thoughts jumped to the lube in the backpack just a few feet away.

"I'll be right back," Jack said, noting the disappointed light in Boone's eyes as he broke the kiss. He went over to the pools that were intermittently dispersed throughout the caves, connected to an underground source that kept the water fresh. Jack noticed that Sawyer must have gone back to the beach already as he splashed some of the water on his face, cupping his hands together to form a bowl and drink some of it.

Jack had slept with men before, but those encounters had purely been for the sex. With Boone things were completely different - they were in a relationship, and they cared about each other. He knew Boone wouldn't object to the idea - that wasn't the issue at hand - but he didn't want to just suddenly jump into it, either. Boone had surprised him with the hand job those few days ago, and they'd done some fooling around the next day in the river, but Jack thought that when they did have sex, it should mean more since it would be the culmination of their relationship, not just two strangers looking for quick and easy release.

Or maybe Jack was just over thinking the whole thing.

He returned to his cave, finding Boone sitting on a seat cushion, an amused expression on his face. Jack noticed that his hands were in the bag Sawyer had brought, and there was no doubt in Jack's mind about what he'd just found. "You going through my stuff now?"

"This isn't your usual bag, and my curiosity got the best of me," Boone responded, giving Jack a smile that lit up his eyes. He then pulled out one of the bottle of KY for Jack to see. "Planning ahead, are we? Were you going to seduce me and I ruined the surprise?"

Jack felt his face getting warm, more embarrassed by his sudden embarrassment than anything else. Really, he was a doctor and an adult; he shouldn't be blushing like a teenager about sex. "I, uh, just got that now, actually. From Sawyer."

"You asked Sawyer for lube?" The way Boone was playing with his bottom lip between his teeth, Jack could tell his was trying not to laugh.

"I didn't ask him - he brought it. That's why he was here."

This time, Boone did laugh. "How...considerate of him." Boone suppressed his obvious humor at the scenario, getting serious and watching Jack like he was looking through a microscope. "You're freaked out," he observed.

"I am not."

"Yes you are! Now the question is why... Is it because Sawyer brought the lube or the fact that he knows we're going to use it?"

Jack didn't answer because neither of those were true. It seemed more like he was embarrassed because Boone wasn't - Boone, who just a week ago was afraid of people reacting badly when they found out they were together. Jack rubbed his hand over his hair, forcing a smile to try and laugh it off like Boone was. "I think this discussion has killed any mood I might have tried to create."

Boone stood, moving to stand so he and Jack's faces were mere inches apart. Jack could feel his breath on his face, and the closeness was calming and stimulating at the same time. "Don't worry about it, Jack," Boone said, smoothing the front of Jack's shirt with his hands. "Tonight's not good for me, anyway."

"Have a hot date?"

His comment earned him the smile back on Boone's face. "Actually, yeah. I have signal fire duty tonight, so I need to sleep on the beach. I'm going to be available tomorrow night, though, if you wanted to, I don't know," Boone took one of Jack's hands in his own, placing a kiss in the middle of his palm, "plan something."

"I think I can come up with something," Jack replied, groaning inwardly at the awful pun. Boone either didn't notice or didn't care as their lips met, eager with thoughts of what the next evening would bring.


	35. Fall

Title: In Admiration - Part 35

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #49 Fall

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

He was sure Shannon at some point had told Boone that he had a tendency to act without thinking sometimes. Boone thought he had a more valid excuse this time than others, though. Locke had woken him at the beach early this morning, leading Boone through the jungle while talking to himself excitedly about something Boone wasn't really sure of. It took his mind a while to get passed that it was a good thing he was sleeping on the beach that night, wondering if Locke would have gotten him if Boone had spent the night in the caves with Jack. Boone eventually figured out what John was talking about - a dream about a plane, how the island had given him a sign, and it was what they needed to find in order to get into the hatch.

It was crazy, all of it, Boone thought. There was no way that the plane existed. Locke had to have been using that goopy paste stuff on himself, hallucinating what he wanted to see - hope. Boone didn't say anything, though, figuring that if John just kept walking around through the jungle, eventually he would figure out that he was losing it, and they would go to the hatch, or maybe even back to the others. He started to get worried when John started having problems walking, and Boone thought it was because of the piece of the trebuchet that had imbedded itself in Locke's leg the other day.

Locke didn't seem to notice the problems with his leg, focusing on something else instead. It was rosary beads and a cross, hanging from a tree near where Boone was standing. John pulled on some vines, sending a decomposed body falling to the jungle floor. He was a priest, or at least a man dressed as a priest, and according to John, he was from Nigeria.

They continued on, Boone not having the slightest idea if Locke was going in a specific direction or just walking, but he did notice that Locke was having an increasingly difficult time walking. Boone had voiced his concern, but John kept insisting that he was fine, despite Boone's observation that only one of his legs had been hurt by the shrapnel, and he was having problems with both of them. Boone tried suggesting that they go back, that Locke should go see Jack, but that made him more aggravated, trying to stand again but just collapsing entirely. He told Boone something he'd never expected to hear - that John had been in a wheelchair for four years, and the island had fixed him, which was why he believed in it so strongly. Locke pleaded with his words and with his eyes for Boone's help, which he now understood that he should've ignored, but that was why he came out with John everyday - to be helpful.

John started out leaning on Boone, but as they kept walking, it felt to Boone more like he was carrying the other man, supporting most of his weight. Boone was still kind of reeling from Locke saying he had been paralyzed, so when they stopped for a break, Boone thought he should return a story in kind to the other man. He told him about Theresa, how she had broken her neck because he had been a depressed and lonely kid before Adam and Shannon came along that just wanted attention from his mother. He never told anyone that it was his fault, but Boone had carried the guilt with him ever since.

But instead of being sympathetic, John started laughing, acting like Boone had just told him the funniest joke in the world. Boone got pissed off by the reaction, demanding to know what was so funny, and Locke just pointed. Following his finger up the edge of a cliff and into the trees growing above it, there was a small, yellow airplane, nestled amongst the branches. It was the same one that John had seen crash in his dream.

The climb up had been long and strenuous, but Boone had a new motivation. John saw hope in the aircraft in that it would enable them to open the hatch, but Boone saw hope that would get them off the island. The plane would have a radio, and even if that didn't work anymore, the plane should have a battery like cars do, and maybe Sayid could make it work again. Inside the plane had been a bunch of maps of Nigeria, another dead man dressed as a priest, and at least a dozen crates of heroin. Heroin. Locke had woken him up to drag him through the jungle for a plane filled with drugs. There was nothing in there they could use to open the hatch.

Boone spotted the radio, though, climbing to the front of the plane, never thinking he'd be so happy to hear static when he flicked it on. The radio was at least getting power, and it wasn't feedback like they had gotten with the transceiver back when they'd first crashed on the island. The plane creaked, throwing him so his ribs hit the pilot's seat, momentarily knocking the wind out of Boone, and despite hearing Locke yelling up at him to get out, he wasn't going to be deterred. He reached for the headset, calling out for help over and over again, and then there was a voice, coming in through the static, telling him to repeat the transmission. Boone was overjoyed, telling the man on the other end that they were the survivors of the crash of Oceanic Flight 815. His joy quickly became confusion when the voice told him that they, saying we, were the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815.

Then the world around him started to move, and Boone was suddenly aware that he was falling, fast, with a tremendous physical pain overriding every nerve in his body. He thought of Shannon, and then of Jack, before everything went dark.


	36. Shattered

Title: In Admiration - Part 36

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #62 Shattered

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

"Jack!"

He turned at the sound of his name, looking away from Kate towards the source of the voice that demanded his attention. Jack's first instinct was to wish he hadn't turned around for when he did it was as if the world had shattered around him in a cacophony of broken glass. It was Locke, his shirt soaked in bright red blood, with Boone unconscious and draped across his shoulders. Jack stood without registering the movement, John seeming to walk towards him really slow, shouting for help but sounding farther away than he really was. Jack was seeing in tunnel vision, gaze focused on Boone and all the blood. It wasn't until he tried to put Boone down did the things return to normal speed, Jack feeling doctor-mode take over, telling Locke not to put Boone down there but inside the cave that had the medical supplies.

Jack barely registered Kate's presence as he put his face near Boone's mouth, making sure he was still breathing. "What happened?"

"There was an accident," Locke's voice was calm and almost instantly Jack wanted him to leave even though he was the only one who knew what had happened. "Boone fell off a cliff out near the place we were hunting."

Boone's shirt was soaked through with blood, so Jack ripped it open to see how badly he was hurt. It looked like he'd been in a car accident - Jack had seen many people ripped up this badly coming into the emergency room fresh off the interstate. It looked worse than it really was in a normal situation, but this wasn't the normal situation - he had limited supplies to sterilize the wounds and the only antibiotics he had were weak. Jack mentally went through the catalogue of what he did have access to, thinking about what would be useful.

He turned to Kate, seeing from how pale her face at gotten and the way that she couldn't stop staring at Boone that it was bad, but Jack didn't need to be reminded of that at the moment - he needed to take it one step at a time. Jack took a deep breath to try and keep his voice steady. "Okay, I'm going to need some water. And shirts, towels, anything that can be used to stop the bleeding."

"Okay," Kate responded faintly, but she wasn't moving.

"Kate, now! Please!" Jack was well aware that he sounded like he was begging, but a life was possibly on the line here. Boone's life. He turned back to Boone, hearing Kate move to get what he'd asked for. "John, tell me exactly what happened." Jack turned to the cart at his side, pulling out rolls of gauze and trying to figure out if the hydrogen peroxide he had left would be nearly enough to help here, forget what they might need afterwards. Locke took a while to answer, and Jack looked back at where he had been standing, thinking maybe the other man hadn't heard him, but he was no longer where he had been before. "John?" There are people around, but none of them are Locke. He shouts the man's name a few times, seeing Kate look at him from where she's collecting water, but he isn't there anymore.

Damn it, Locke, Jack swore mentally, noticing that Hurley and Sun were suddenly nearby. Kate returned with the water and cotton T-shirts she must have gotten from the unclaimed luggage that had been found close to the caves.

Boone's eyes were open, but he didn't seem to realize what was going on, gaze unfocused and filled with pain. He was gasping for breath now, too, and Jack hoped that none of his ribs were broken. They moved him further into the infirmary area, Kate applying pressure to the wound on Boone's chest as Jack noticed Sun checking his legs while they put him down on some seat cushions on the cave floor.

"What happened?" Hurley asked, mirroring the question Jack had asked mere minutes ago. Had it really only been a few minutes? It felt like hours had passed since Locke called Jack's name. And where the hell was he?

"He fell down a cliff," Jack heard Kate answer for him.

"But he was with Locke."

Hurley's statement caused Jack to clench his teeth in anger. He knew he had no reason to trust the man. Jack hadn't wanted Boone to go out hunting, and he had told him that much, but Boone was so damn stubborn, and he just wanted to be helpful. And now because he wanted to be helpful, Boone was lying on the cave floors, barely conscious but incognizant of anything but the pain, and he seemed to be bleeding from everywhere. The injuries on his chest seemed to finally be clotting with the pressure Kate was applying, but then there was his leg that was also bleeding and looked broken, and Jack didn't doubt that he'd lost too much blood and needed a transfusion.

Jack got Sun working, telling her to switch places with Kate as Boone starting gasping for air. Sun picked up some clean shirts from where Kate had put them on top of the cart, replacing Kate in applying the pressure. Boone's breathing was sounding even raspier now, and Jack knew he needed to work faster. He could see other survivors standing around and gaping, so he told Hurley to get the mesh that they'd salvaged from the plane - they could use it as a divider to give them some privacy and maybe help make the environment a little more sterile. He looked up and saw that Hurley was looking pale, and he remembered when he'd pulled the shrapnel out of the marshal's chest and Hurley had passed out from the sight of blood.

"Hurley, I swear to God if you faint..."

"No. Mesh. I got it. I'm cool."

Hurley left, and Jack turned to Kate. "Get to the beach - I want you to go and ransack Sawyer's stuff. I'm going to need his alcohol. Rubbing...scotch..."

Then Boone started choking, a rattling wheeze as he inhaled, but he wasn't exhaling.

"Jack, what's going on?" Kate asked, sounding panicked enough for the both of them.

He knew what had happened, but Jack put his hands on Boone's chest anyway, feeling for the rise and fall of breath as he listened at Boone's mouth. Jack had hoped that what he thought happened wasn't what was really going on, but it was one of those instances where he hated being right. "His lung just collapsed."


	37. Broken

Title: In Admiration - Part 37

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #61 Broken

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Sun turned her head with a gasp, screwing her eyes tight as Jack stabbed a metal rod into Boone's chest. There was a hiss of air, and Boone was breathing again. Sun was still hesitant to look, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Kate had averted her gaze as well while Sun listened to Jack's words, telling Boone that he was doing well, but Sun wasn't so sure. The encouragement seemed to be as much for Boone as it was for Jack himself and maybe even those of them that were standing around, watching, hoping, and, at least in Sun's own case, praying. She prayed for Boone's health as well as for Jack's strength, knowing that it would have been taxing for Jack if it were any of them in this state, but it was Boone, and they all knew he cared for the younger man so much. She turned back around, watching Jack remove the rod and applying pressure to the wound on Boone's chest as Jack moved to get a plastic tube that would help Boone breathe.

"What are you still doing here?" Jack's voice was so loud and suddenly harsh that Sun was startled and Kate visibly jumped. Sun saw Kate struggling for words, but Jack didn't give her the chance to answer. "The alcohol, Kate! If he's going to live, you need to get to the beach now!" She ran out of the caves without another second of hesitation, and Jack got to work on inserting the plastic tube into Boone's chest. The tube looked like it had been cut from the oxygen masks on the plane. Boone's breathing still didn't sound good, but it was nowhere near as labored as it had been before his lung collapsed.

Jack closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, and it seemed like to Sun that he was counting. "Jack?"

"You checked his legs earlier," he said after a moment. Sun could tell it wasn't a question.

"I think his right leg is broken." She kept her eyes trained on Jack as he got a hold on the hem of Boone's pants at the ankle, ripping the material up until the younger man's knee. She watched Jack press against the bone with his fingers as Boone moaned in pain, his gaze unfocused before closing like it would shut out all the hurt his body must be going through.

"It's a closed fracture... I think I can set it."

"The wound on his chest... Can you, uh..." Sun made sewing motions with her hands, struggling to find the word she wanted and mentally berating herself on the poor timing of her lapse. "Can you sew him?"

Jack left Boone's leg to inspect his chest, removing the bloodstained shirts they'd been using to try and stanch the flow. "He's lost a lot of blood; I don't know how far Locke had to carry him." Jack moved up more, checking the deep gash on Boone's forehead. "Boone, listen to me," Jack began, one of his hands cupping the side of Boone's head as the other rested carefully on his shoulder. "Listen!" Sun saw Boone's eyes flutter open, and he looked like he was staring directly at Jack. "You are not going to die. I'm gonna fix this, okay?" Sun turned away politely as Jack kissed Boone, promising the young man that he was going to save him.

They remained silent as Jack got to work stitching up the wounds on Boone's chest, his incoherent mumblings the only sound. Sun tried to figure out what he was saying, but the only thing that was clear was when Boone muttered "I'm sorry" over and over again. Sun wasn't sure if the apologies were for Jack or for someone else. He didn't seem consciously aware of what was going on again, and Sun could see that hearing Boone in pain hurt him, but it also seemed to motivate him to work harder. Hurley returned at some point with the mesh, getting some men who were living at the caves to help him put it up, soon enclosing Jack, Sun, and Boone from everyone else, giving Jack privacy from the prying eyes. Boone was still saying he was sorry as Jack finished with the stitches, cutting the thread as Sun wiped Jack's forehead.

Sun put away the supplies as Jack checked Boone's injuries, looking at his head and then at his leg. "He needs blood."

"What?" Sun said with a gasp.

"Blood... Transfusion..." Jack was moving around, looking through what he had to work with.

"How will you do...?"

"I don't know," Jack interrupted, "I'll figure it out."

Jack was exhausted. Sun was tired, but she knew the situation was more straining on Jack, and he looked almost ready to fall over. He had taken a bottle of hydrogen peroxide out of the cart and was eyeing Boone's broken leg. She knew setting the leg had to be the next course of action Jack had in mind, but Sun also knew that Jack needed to get out, even if he didn't want to, and even if it was only for a moment. Sun grabbed a new cloth from off the cart as Jack uncapped the peroxide bottle.

"Let me," she said, holding out her hand to take the bottle.

Jack shook his head stubbornly. "No, it's okay."

"Let me," Sun repeatedly insistently. She could be stubborn, too, and as Jack met her gaze, he seemed to realize that she wasn't going to back down. "Get some air."

He relinquished the bottle to Sun, slowly backing away as he watched Boone, and once Jack was gone, she got to work, dabbing hydrogen peroxide on the fresh stitches and the gash on Boone's forehead. She knew setting Boone's leg was going to be simple enough, but it was also going to be extremely painful. Sun couldn't think of anything that might help Boone to at least keep him from hurting so much, remembering the pills that the doctor gave her when she was little and broke her ankle falling off a horse during riding lessons, but here they had no such pills, and even if they did, she wasn't sure they'd be able to get Boone to swallow them. Sun could hear Jack talking to Charlie somewhere in the caves, but she couldn't hear what was specifically being said.

Jack came back inside, looking more agitated if anything, and Sun had an idea. She excused herself for a moment, hurrying back to the section of the caves that had been hers and Jin's. Jin was gone, but he had left some of the things he had found on the island. In particular, there was a small collection of driftwood that got caught in his fishing nets, and she looked through the fragments of wood until she found one that was smooth and fairly small.

When Sun reentered the mesh enclosure, Jack was studying Boone's leg and paid Sun no attention as she approached him, the driftwood in her hands. "Give him this for the pain," she said, getting Jack's attention, but he didn't seem impressed.

"I think we're a little beyond herbal remedies here."

"It's not a remedy," Sun replied, going over to Boone and fitting the piece of wood between his teeth, and Jack seemed to understand.

At Jack's request, Sun reached down and held Boone's shoulders as Jack placed on hand on Boone's ankle and the other just below his knee. Jack looked at Sun, nodding once, silently telling her that he was ready, and Sun braced herself, putting all of her weight into Boone to try and keep him from moving. Sun closed her eyes as Jack quickly pulled on Boone's leg, fighting against Boone's strength as he thrashed and, under the screams muffled from the driftwood between his teeth, hearing the distinctive crack of bone snapping back into place.


	38. Angst

Title: In Admiration - Part 38

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #52 Angst

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Everything seemed like it was spinning, and Jack was refusing to acknowledge that it might have been due to sheer exhaustion. Kate came back from the beach with a bag filled with broken bottles and the news that Claire was about halfway to the caves and in labor. Jack had told her that she would need to help Claire deliver the baby, told her what do to, and it had taken the last of his patience to reassure Kate when she said she couldn't do it, that he needed to go with her to help Claire. There was no way in hell he was going to leave Boone.

Sun had been in and out since bringing him the sea urchin, the spines perfect for what they needed to do. She'd bring in food or water or just urge him to sit down as he set up and then started transfusing his own blood to Boone, trying not to think about what happened when a body's immune system rejected the blood it was being given. Jack also tried not to think about that in a hospital, Boone would be receiving a pint of blood over the span of four hours, whereas now Jack hadn't the slightest idea how much blood he'd given, so he was using the highly scientific method of watching Boone's face for color. Even that got difficult to gauge, though, with all the blood drying on Boone's skin.

Jack had tried cleaning Boone up a little, but he couldn't pull on his arm too much so the makeshift needle wouldn't slide out, and the new stitches on Boone's chest couldn't get wet, so his best effort wasn't enough to wipe away what had happened. Boone's breathing was sounding better, but his broken leg wasn't looking too good, and the injuries that Jack had treated were still painful for him to look at. Jack didn't believe that Boone had just fallen off a cliff. He had known all this time that Locke was lying and that he shouldn't be trusting the other man, but he had never pushed Boone on the subject, and now Boone was lying in the caves, unconscious from all the pain he was in, and despite the promise he'd made, Jack had no idea if he'd be able to fix Boone. They were on an island someone in the Pacific Ocean with no chance at rescue, and he needed a hospital.

Turning to look through the medical supplies in the food cart from the plane, Jack hit it in frustration, knowing that no matter how many times he looked, what he needed wasn't going to magically appear. He just needed Boone to live. Jack had patients die on him before on the table during surgery, and that had been painful enough when he lost someone that he didn't really know, but this was Boone. Jack didn't think that losing Boone would be something he could handle.

Jack moved away from the cart, pacing next to Boone as far as the tube that connected them would allow. He stopped to check Boone's brachial and then carotid pulse; they seemed a little weak, but not as bad as he thought they might be. Jack then put his face over Boone's, feeling his breath against his cheek as he listened, glad that the raspiness went away so internal bleeding was one less thing he had to worry about. Satisfied for the moment that Boone seemed stable, Jack resumed his pacing at the side of the bed, clasping his free hand over the tubing just before in entered his arm to help keep it in place.

"Screwed myself up pretty bad, huh?"

The sudden noise in the stillness of the caves startled Jack, especially since he hadn't been expecting to hear anything coherent from the source of the voice. He stopped pacing, removing his hand from his arm and placing it on Boone's. Jack felt so relieved to feel Boone's fingers curling against his hand that he felt tears come to his eyes, but he managed to hold them back. Boone didn't need to know how bad his condition really was. "Hey," Jack said to at least say something, running his thumb along the back of Boone's hand.

"My leg hurts," Boone told him, but Jack didn't need to hear it to know it. His leg didn't look good at all and this was the first time since Locke brought him to Jack that Boone seemed to recognize his surroundings. His eyes were clouded with pain, but the fact that he was cognizant meant that at the moment it wasn't as bad as it had been.

"Just don't try to move it." Jack was having a hard time keeping his voice steady. He wanted to sound calm so Boone wouldn't panic. "Does your breathing feel okay?"

"It fell on me," Boone replied, his voice quiet.

"What fell?"

"The plane..." He seemed to be drifting into unconsciousness, and Jack had no idea what he was talking about. Their plane had crashed forty days ago, and if Boone was becoming delirious, Jack was worried that an infection might be setting in. He needed Boone to stay awake long enough to explain to him what had happened. "It was the plane."

"Locke said you fell from a cliff."

"The plane fell from a cliff. I was in the plane." Boone drew in a deep breath, his eyes slowly closing. "We found a hatch and then found the plane. The plane fell." His eyes opened again, looking right at Jack, and he could see that they were watering, but Jack couldn't tell if it was from the pain or because what had happened. It was most likely both. "I'm sorry, Jack. John said not to tell."

Jack was having a hard time putting all the pieces together, and yet it all made perfect sense. Jack didn't know what Boone meant about the hatch and finding a plane, but Locke had told Boone not to tell him. Locke who had told Jack that Boone fell off a cliff and then ran off into the jungle. "What did Locke do? Boone? What hatch?"

Boone gasped in pain, trying to reach down for his leg with the hand Jack was holding, but Jack kept him from moving. "My leg hurts."

Looking down at Boone's leg, the swelling that he had thought was just from setting the bone put itself in a whole new context. Boone said he was in a plane that fell off a cliff, and the swelling seemed to be getting worse since Jack had begun to give Boone blood. He could only think of three words: acute compartment syndrome. Jack started yelling for Sun, removing the needles from his arm and then Boone's, wrapping gauze around the younger man's before his own to help stop the bleeding. Boone wasn't conscious anymore, mumbling his sister's name over and over again.

"What is it, Jack?" Sun asked as she entered, her eyes wide with fear.

"I need to do a fasciotomy on Boone's leg," Jack said, more to himself than to Sun since she probably had no idea what a fasciotomy was. "I'm going to need something narrow to cut with. A razor should work, but I'll need to be able to remove the blade so I can use it like a scalpel. I'm going to need a lot more clean fabric and a large, metal container that can be used like a pot. Get Hurley and Michael to help you - hurry!"

She went off without a word as Jack started to pull out what he already had that would be useful. As a procedure, a fasciotomy wasn't that complicated, but it required leaving the incision open until the excess fluid drained out, which left it prone to infection. His only other option, though, was amputation, and that would be more difficult to do as well as keep clean afterwards. He knew that warm saltwater helped with infections, and Jack just hoped that draping the incision with clean clothes soaked in it will keep harmful bacteria at bay. If Boone was going to live, this needed to work.


	39. Winter

Title: In Admiration - Part 39

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #46 Winter

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Sun had insistently urged Jack to get out of the caves after the surgery was over. It had been successful, draining well and the leg looking like it had returned to its normal size after Jack had stitched up in incision in Boone's calf. All he could do now was wait and hope there was no infection or that Boone didn't die from shock. His body had got through a lot in the last twenty four hours, and Jack just hoped he had enough strength left to heal. Jack wouldn't be able to know anything for sure until Boone woke up and could tell him how he felt, so in the meantime, Sun had kicked him out, made him get some fresh air and sleep. Sleep was the last thing on Jack's mind.

Claire was at the beach, surrounded by a crowd who wanted to see the new baby, a boy, who looked perfectly healthy to Jack and Claire seemed to be doing well. He knew Kate would be able to do it, but Jack avoided her gaze, not wanting to see how worried she was since he was already worried enough. Jack felt Kate put a hand on his shoulder, and only when he turned to walk away did he realize why Kate was trying to get his attention - Sayid and Shannon were approaching them from further down the beach, looking happy, which just made what Jack needed to tell them all the more difficult, but Shannon needed to know, and it seemed like Boone wanted her there from the times Jack had heard him mumbling her name.

He felt more and more exhausted with every step he took towards Shannon and Sayid, the stress suddenly catching up and refusing to let go. Jack must have looked as bad as he felt since when Shannon noticed him, the smile was wiped right off her face and she leaned noticeably into Sayid, looking scared. He didn't get farther than saying Boone had been in an accident before she started crying, listening patiently to what Jack recounted as Sayid wrapped an arm around Shannon's waist, holding her tight. Jack left out the details about Locke, a hatch, and the plane, instead saying that Boone hadn't regained consciousness when he left and that she should go see him. Shannon left with a silent nod, wiping the tears from her eyes as she headed off towards the caves; Sayid followed her, looking like he was trying to find the right thing to say to Jack but not grasping the words he wanted.

The fact that November had only just started left Jack with a vague sense of hope. His father and some of the other surgeons had a certain superstition about winter: that higher numbers of fatalities came with cold weather because it was a hard time for everything alive, a time when nature killed those that were weaker with harsh temperatures. The superstition had never made sense to Jack, being in California, but all surgeons had their beliefs, and they weren't to be questioned.

"Is he going to be okay?"

Jack startled at the voice - he hadn't heard Kate approach. "I won't be able to tell until he wakes up." He turned, scanning through the cluster of people a good distance behind Kate who were still looking at Claire's baby. "He could be perfectly fine, or he could be dying."

"You did everything you could, Jack," Kate said, and Jack could tell that she thought she was being reassuring, but her tone grated on his nerves.

"Boone isn't dead so don't talk to me like he is." Kate flinched at the edge in his voice, but Jack wasn't going to apologize. He knew that he did everything could, but now it was a matter of if everything he could do was enough. Jack remembered what Boone had said about John telling him not to tell, and he had noticed that the man wasn't at the beach. Jack couldn't remember seeing him at the caves, either. "Where's Locke?"

"No one's seen him. He said Boone fell, Jack, you can't blame him for an accident."

"It wasn't an accident."

"But John said..."

"John was lying!" Jack ran a hand over his head, trying to calm down, taking deep breaths and closing his eyes, but his mind's eye kept flashing to when Locke entered the caves, his shirt soaked through with blood, Boone slung limply across his shoulders. This was replaced by the image of Boone struggling to breathe as his lung collapsed, the raspy sound filling his ears. Jack opened his eyes when an image of Boone, cold and still, took over his mind, seeing that Kate was still standing in front of him, looking at Jack like he'd completely lost it. "Boone woke up for a little bit, and he said that Locke had told him not to tell anyone whatever it was they were doing out in that damned jungle everyday, so you can't say he isn't to blame. If Boone hadn't woken up I wouldn't have found out what really happened to treat him correctly, but it may have been too late as it is. Boone could still die if the treatment hadn't been soon enough."

"It won't be your fault. You might be able to put some responsibility on John, but you can't blame yourself."

Jack eyed her coolly before starting to walk back across the beach to get to the caves, leaving Kate standing by herself. "I promised Boone that I would save him," he called back, not turning to face her. "If he dies, that will be a weight I bear no matter who is ultimately responsible." He passed those that were on the beach, ignoring as he heard some of them calling out his name, picking up his pace once he got into the trees to put distance between himself and everyone else.

He started running, not particularly in the direction of the caves, but Jack needed to clear his head. His body was too weak from the blood transfusion to keep moving as he was without passing out, and he collapsed into a tree, pressing his back against the trunk as he sank to the ground. Jack closed his eyes, willing his strength to return, and he thought about that evening that seemed so long ago when he'd encountered Boone on the path between the caves and the beach, how good it had felt the first time they had kissed, bodies held close to one another with the moonlight coming through the trees around them.

No one else was around, and Jack finally let go, tears coming unbidden as he rubbed as his eyes. His father's superstition had been about winter, and Jack's had been to not get too close to patients. Sarah had changed that, being in his care before they became involved, and now he was facing the opposite situation with Boone. It was easier as a surgeon to not care about the person, just the procedure. The divorce had been difficult enough, and if the worst case scenario happened and Boone died, Jack had no idea what he was going to do. He couldn't just run to Thailand again and drown himself in bad whiskey and poker. Jack cried for Boone who he cared for so much and didn't know yet if he'd been able to save him, and he also cried for himself, for the doubts he had about what Boone had been doing with Locke everyday and not taking steps to prevent this from happening.

Jack stayed there leaned against the tree until the tears stopped flowing, and he regained his composure. He stood slowly, not sure how much of his strength was back, and found the path that lead back to the caves, not moving as quickly as he wanted to since it wouldn't do Boone any good if he passed out there in the jungle. Jack hoped for a good sign, that Boone was awake, and that eventually Locke would return so he could beat the living hell out of the man.


	40. Healing

Title: In Admiration - Part 40

Fandom: Lost

Characters: Jack Shephard, Boone Carlyle

Prompt: #65 Healing

Author's Notes: Written for the LiveJournal community slash100 (underscore between "slash" and "100" – for some reason FFN deletes it)

…………

Everything hurt. That had been his last and first conscious thought. Before, though, there was the crash and then excruciating pain on full volume that made him black out, feeling nothing as his body's defenses kicked in. He didn't remember anything from the crash until now, or have any idea on how much time had passed, but physically he didn't feel as bad as he did before. His body hurt, but this pain seemed muffled - sensory adaptation, perhaps, but he was thankful nonetheless. It was still there as a chronic reminder of what happened, but it was almost tolerable, and he didn't want to go back to sleep immediately upon reentering consciousness.

Okay, that was a lie, he still wanted to go back to sleep, but someone was crying and it was kind of irritating. He also felt fingers on his forehead, brushing his hair off his face over and over again. Slowly opening his eyes, Boone realized it was Shannon, although she looked kind of strange; her eyes were red and puffy and it looked like she had dirt and a leaf in her hair, like she'd been running in the jungle and had tripped. "Hey," Boone said, wincing from how raspy his voice sounded as he heard a surprised gasp from Shannon.

She studied him for a moment, like she didn't believe he was awake, before hugging Boone fiercely, Shannon crushing her body to his chest and causing Boone to yelp in pain. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Shannon exclaimed, jumping off him like Boone had burnt her. Fresh tears began to run down her face as she smiled a little. "I'm so glad you aren't dead."

"Me too," Boone replied, trying to smile but even his face hurt. "You have island in your hair."

She laughed, and it sounded kind of forced, like she didn't want to let Boone know she'd been so worried that she had a lapse in appearance. He could tell, though, even if Shannon never said anything, he'd know. Boone wasn't certain, though, if she didn't want him to know she was worried because she was embarrassed or because she didn't want him to know how bad off he had been. She ran her hands through her hair, picking out the leaf and brushing out some of the dirt. "There was a root," Shannon clarified, "that someone rudely put in the middle of the path between here and the beach. Even scraped up my knees."

"Maybe you should change into pants before Jack finds out and chases you around with the peroxide."

Boone was trying to make a joke, but Shannon's face got gravely serious. "Jack! He'll want to know you're awake!" She disappeared for a moment, and Boone couldn't crane his neck far enough to see where she went, but he could hear her talking to someone somewhere and then she was back at his side. "He looks awful."

That fact didn't surprise Boone. Jack got stressed over minor things and Boone didn't doubt that he'd stayed by him until he thought he was going to be fine or someone kicked him out. In a sense Boone thought it was kind of sweet, but since he had no idea how long he'd been out for, he didn't know how much time he took making Jack anxious, and Boone doubted Jack ate or slept in that time. "How long have I been here?"

"Since yesterday."

Well, that wasn't too bad, Boone thought. He was nervous that he'd been there for a week or possibly even longer. "Does Jack look better than you?"

"No he looks worse." Shannon tilted her head to the side, something she did when she was trying to figure out if she should say what she was thinking or not. She didn't do that a lot, usually talking without thinking. "Looks better than you, though."

"Thanks, Shan."

Boone heard what sounded like tarp being moved aside, feeling a hand on his own that moved up his arm as Jack quickly came into view, and Shannon was right - he did look awful. Boone felt bad, making them worry over him, and thought maybe he should have listened to Jack and not gone out with Locke. The man had made him lie to everyone, and Boone wasn't even sure if that damn hatch was any helpful. "How are you feeling?" Jack asked, Boone noticing the waver in his voice before he forced it away.

"Like thousands of teeny tiny hammers are hitting me all over my body."

"Do you feel like you have a fever?" Boone shook his head, wincing at the pain it caused and the stiffness in his neck. Jack's hand went to his forehead anyway, like he didn't believe Boone and he was looking for the slightest indication of a raised temperature. "You seem to be healing well, but if you start feeling warm it could mean an infection, so you're sure you're feeling okay?"

"Jack, I feel fine," Boone said, trying not to sound as exasperated as he felt. He knew Jack had a right to worry, but he should also have a right to believe him. "Well, except for my chest...and my leg...and breathing feels a little weird. So does trying to move. And speaking." Boone gave Jack a small smile, trying to get him to stop acting like he was still dying - he had said he was healing, right? "So, um, what's the prognosis?"

"You'll be fine," Jack said, finally giving him a smile, but it was tight-lipped. "Barring infection, anyway. You were pretty beat up, cuts on your arms, legs, and a big gash on your forehead, but only the ones on your chest needed stitches. One of your lungs collapsed so you had a tube for a little while."

Boone smiled slightly at the irony, thinking back to the first plane crash. "The pen-in-the-neck thing."

"This was in your chest, though. And it wasn't there because your trachea was crushed. But...kind of." Boone felt Jack grab his hand and saw his gaze flicker down at Boone's leg for a moment, putting a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling doubled when Shannon held his other hand, her thin smile mirroring Jack's from before. He started to panic, wondering what was wrong with his leg, and if his leg was even still there. He couldn't reach down and touch it, but Boone had heard that amputees sometimes still thought the limb was there, so how could he be really sure? Boone's mouth went dry as Jack opened his mouth to continue. "You, uh... The fall broke your right leg. I reset it and then since you lost a lot of blood started a transfusion."

"Where'd you get the blood?" Boone asked, confused, wondering if maybe Sawyer happened to have bags of blood in his infamous stash, but then he noticed the gauze wrapped at the pit of Jack's elbow, very much like on his own arm. "You gave me your own blood?"

"You needed blood. No one who knew theirs was a match to you, and I'm the universal donor." Boone was too shocked to think of anything to say. Jack had given him his own blood. "You woke up during it and talked to me."

"I don't remember that," Boone said, although the more he thought about it, he did think he saw Jack at some point, but Boone had thought he was dreaming. He certainly didn't remember talking to anyone.

"You told me what happened. When Locke brought you back he said you fell off a cliff, so I didn't think to check for... You're leg looked really bad, even after I reset the bone, and I thought the swelling was just from my setting job, but after you said what really happened, I realized it wasn't because of the break. I had to do some surgery, which is why I'm worried about infection. There's going to be a sizeable scar on your leg and when you're well enough to sit up, it won't look pretty as it's healing." Jack squeezed his hand, and this time when he smiled, it was genuine relief and happiness, which made Boone feel a lot better. "You scared me, Boone. I'm not going to lie - if you hadn't woken up for that little bit, you'd probably be dead right now."

Boone tried to take in everything that Jack had told him, but it just seemed like too much, and he was so tired. On top of it all he was confused. Why did John lie to Jack about what happened? If he wanted to be stubborn about keeping the hatch a secret, that was fine, but Boone didn't see why John couldn't tell Jack about the plane. It wasn't like it was Locke's fault that the plane fell. Boone noticed Jack and Shannon looking at him, studying him to gauge his reaction, waiting for Boone to say something, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny. "I want to get some rest."

"Okay," Jack said, squeezing his hand once more before letting go. Boone saw Jack go around whatever he was lying on to Shannon's side of Boone, guiding her out of his little room in the cave before closing his eyes and letting the healing darkness of sleep claim him.


End file.
